ThEnDance (Sort of Dead)

ThEnDance (Sort of Dead)

”The dance at the end
Our memories and genetics – will they transcend?
What’s left of the impact we leave behind?
The matrix of life – does it fully unwind?
How are we then able to know?
When death reveals its face – do we all glow?
The insatiable hope that our actions aren’t in vain
That we’ll find a storage facility in some Human brain
Our lives are all but smoke cast into the air
Wishing to be smelled by the nose of those that dare
A compatible willingness to be remembered by the spices of our scent
Various pictures of our taste set aside as a tent in one’s mind
We all long to be remembered with a nostalgic bind
Experiences, memories, and our written history are the makeup of our lives
The dance floor is where we release – our collective archives”

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The Opening Quest

The Opening Quest

In preparation for further development of my book, I decided to answer several questions from one of my favorite authors Dushka Zapata.

These questions set the tone for 2018 while also inspiring me to invite you to send me questions that you have thought about existence. The goal isn’t to overthink but to answer with what you feel in the heart of the moment.

Here are my favorite 14 questions.

1. “If life had no meaning, what meaning would I create for mine?”

I’d create a meaning that would mean something to me tomorrow. A meaning that has enough nutrition to last for me and those who came after me. If no others came after me then the meaning would have to be enough to satisfy me even when I’m bored. Something to make me laugh and cry because it’s all so beautifully complex.

2. “If there was no purpose to our existence, what purpose would I give to mine to shield myself from existential despair?”

I would make it a mission to make someone think about their life and what they can do with it. I would want them to laugh at how ironic this whole game of life is. I would want to show myself and people around me how life is so short and how we should chase what gives us that rush.

3. “What matters to me? Why? And once I figure this out, can I determine an order of importance?”

Freedom matters most to me. To be at full liberty without the worry that I must stop at the disadvantage of someone’s inability to respect my equilibrium. If I could get out of someone’s way to their freedom. Establishing importance would mean to know it’s not just about me.

4. “Is there a healthy, logical correlation between my priorities and how I spend my time? If not, why?”

I give myself too much time for tasks I feel can wait. I must embed a pattern of usual, so I don’t buy into the distractions because god knows I have binged on many distractions. I think I have bought so much time because I see time as an illusion and I feel I always have time, but I’ve come to realize I don’t always have time. It’s always leaving me when I gain it.

5. “What am I afraid of? Can I learn to distinguish the fear that protects me from the fear that stops me?”

“They say everybody is afraid of something although I don’t know what actually makes me afraid now. I am drawn to the unknown and I believe fear makes us strong at times. I suppose my fear is to be consistent in the most western way of doing it. (I must always pay my bills and have enough left over) Constantly making enough that is sufficient and inspiring enough to last. The best way for me to distinguish it is to fail occasionally and not feel guilty about it.”

6.”What happens when I get what I want? Is it glorious, empty, triumphant, anticlimactic? Why?”

I usually feel content with it. Sometimes when I want something so very badly and get it – I don’t feel like it was worth the wanting. I would like to capture the gloriousness more because there’s substance in playing in that feeling. I think it becomes anticlimactic because I knew I could get it – I just didn’t think I would survive the trip to get there.

7. “What does happiness mean to me? What makes me happy and how can I capture that elusive sensation more often?”

Happiness means more laughter and learning found in simple and complex things. I think if I read more, the joy of happiness will show up more.

8. “What hurts me? How can I become stronger against what causes me to suffer? How and where can I learn to suffer less? How can I remind myself that the person who makes me suffer the most is me?”

I hurt myself when I don’t own up to my decisions and how they influence others. I should remember that I am in the driver’s seat and that my reactions can be calmer. To be mindful of silence and that words don’t always have to be spoken.

9. “What is left of me if I attempt to define myself without leaning on anything I do? I am a student, I am a writer, I am a mom, I am a manager, I am a Vice President – these are all things I do. Who am I? Where is she?”

This is a very complex one. I am here and while I am here, I want to make as much hell and fun on this trip. I observe, sleep, learn and then convert this knowledge into love for everyone around me.

10. “How can I avoid losing myself in my relationships? What are my boundaries and how do I enforce them?”

One way is to have a clear understanding that we do not belong to each other but that we are only appreciating and honoring each other’s company. That we live with the knowledge that we can together but sometimes we may steer to our own strengths by ourselves. I can enforce my boundaries by staying true to myself without shame or pressure.

11. “What do my feelings teach me about myself? If I feel anger or jealousy, can I learn not to react to these feelings but instead determine what they are trying to tell me?”

They are trying to tell me to maybe rearrange what I do not understand. To Ask more questions and to speak softly and to apologize when I’ve assumed too much. I can learn by simply remembering people are often in the same state as me. They just want clarity.

12. “What happens when I sit in silence?”

I find that the stillness in myself is still yearning to speak to myself in riddles of nothing but me, myself, and I.

13. “How can I better manage change? How can I get better at accepting how little control I have?”

Knowing that I did not choose to be born here at the time I was. Some parts are played long before I got here.

14. “How would I like to be remembered?”

“Remembered for good company with a fresh willingness to open a door that people didn’t really think about turning, making them laugh while thinking.”

If you got through all of my answers to these magnificent questions, I applaud your interest endearingly! I encourage you to answer some of these questions as well! I wanted to start 2018 with these questions because they would open up my understanding of myself and where I want to go.

I am making it a mission to write way more while reading, listening, and observing.

We can do this thing together – narrating and asking. This will help us climb the ladder for clarity among all living things!

((*Every 7th of the month from now until March – I’ll post 3 of my favorite questions (& 7 replies) that I find correlates with the book I’m working on! If you have any questions that you have asked at any time // feel free to email me at jesterj7@hotmail.com

Y.C.D.T.

Y.C.D.T.

(You.Can.Dislike.This.)

Cuz it’s too weird. Cuz it’s Too long. You don’t like me. Cuz it’s boring. Cuz you wanna troll. Cuz think it can be better. Whatever The reason, yes – You Can Dislike This. 🙂

This video is a part of The Living Things due on 7.28.17 on JesterStory: https://tinyurl.com/ha8jt64

Work Vs. Worm

Work Vs. Worm

WORK: Processing and greeting, Getting the bills paid. Making changes as the day calls for. Scheduled.
WORM: Resting, doing, allowing the energies to make complicated explosions of inspiration, arousing, Garden Sensations, AKA – The Grind.
WORK: Engaging, Waiting For Time To Kiss The Assignment. Wanting to get it done already.
WORM: Neglecting time, getting familiar with the root and source. Operating in a free space environment. Taking pleasure in the endless cycle of improvisation.

Now, the Worm is not to dismiss Work. It’s a working relationship, and the operation of each task can be mutually achieved without disturbance. Some people are afraid, some are paranoid, all around the world energy is reacting against the energy. A revival is embarking and we are all working to worm. Some would say, we got to work to only look forward to resting. But if you rest – there is ultimate work. I’ve talked about this before and blah, blah, WHAT IS JESSE TALKING ABOUT? 😀  Resting is Life. AND Life Is Code.

I think it’s safe to say I’m WORMING. I like the worm, live in the soil. I find fascination in the free space to move around. Not bothered or controlled by the will of times measured reign. Embracing the completeness of what experience is. Remembering always,
Love Thy Will Be Done.

PSYCHEDELIC SENSATION

PSYCHEDELIC SENSATION

Recently, colors have reintroduced themselves back to me and the results have been a psychedelic sensation. Sensation, like a conversation, allows navigation to be understood and recognized. Imagine a Rubik’s Cube – by removing all of the colors, you’re essentially moving without any intention. You’re just aimlessly twisting a cube with no true recognition of arrangement. Color helps lead the way in finding the answer. Colors are like Thick Triggers which enforces a statue of emotion.

The Thrill of color has expanded a Kaleidoscopic Vortex within me. A lot of lectures are coming through. Amazing how the manifestation of Fall can make one appreciate the deeper hues in retrospect. I’m collectively engaged in sensation.

 

Activity & Pyramids.

Activity & Pyramids.

There is a host of activity surrounding us on the daily. Noise. Constant movement, some would call this Static. I’ve already created a piece called ‘Harvesting The Static‘ which details just exactly what it means and how we can listen to the distractions.

But what about when noise is so fluent you hardly can analyze it? Take the random things that happen within a day and then start thinking just how supernatural our lives actually are. While not every day is some bingo of surprise, we conquer amazing tasks throughout our daily lives. The stories we develop over time are fascinating to read. If you write in a journal or keep some sort of record of history, you’ll begin to see cycles and algorithms. Things usually start to happen during a certain cycle. Just like in Winter it starts getting cold, and Summer the heat rises. Some psychologists and scientists would assume everything to the tiniest speck, has intention behind it. Not that everything is controlled by something, rather everything seems to have had a constant working relationship with each other.

The details of life, are the framework behind some of the greatest stories ever told. It’s not the Golden Ticket all of the time, sometimes it’s simply the favor of the opportunity. You may have not stumbled on the winning ticket, but you could have made contact with a door – that will guarantee you greater heights.

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I think life is always encouraging us to take the stairs. Opening the doors might mean you have to climb more stairs, but think about what you can observe from the top. Even pyramids are intended for you to go higher.

I’m one to believe, in the coyest of moments of life, we can find great reason and strength. The details bring the finest impressions…..But not all life is measured that way. Makes sense. There is a balance.

Not every day have I kept a record of the passing events that occur in a day. I’m not cut from the cloth that can commit to such a pattern. I guess they’re ways to develop it, but I don’t have the ……

Honestly. Not sure how random this is going to be for you – reading this – but as I walk home, writing this post on my phone {9:55 PM} – a bird just ran into my phone. (It’s dark, I’m not sure if the bird was partially blind but I just freaked out! I didn’t drop my phone as it happened but whoa!

See! That’s what I’m saying. Sometimes random things happen in a day, and it’s not that you forget them on purpose but so much happens. I challenge you to write interesting details that occur throughout your day. You’ll be amazed at all of the circuits of dREaM phenomenal you’ll uncover. The moment something strange happens, likely throughout the day they become stronger and more interesting. The past is never banished, but it changes its form and grasp. We end up doing the same thing over and over because cycles are circles.

I am not asking that you focus a considerable amount of detail to your day because that just becomes overwhelming. But if something by chance pops at you, or seems a bit odd/interesting – write it down. You’ll be quite surprised at just how we each have moments of unique experiences. (Hopefully, it’s not a pigeon aiming flight for your phone! :D)

So,

A lot is always going on because you are alive. Life has a way of reminding you. You got a story to tell. Activity is consciousness made aware, by our determined focus to detail.

THE DRAMA OF A COUGH

I realize drama is a narration of passionate expression.

It can have its fair share and be extra sometimes.

But, we both know we don’t have to tolerate it – even if the roots are passionate and sincere.

I’m going to drink another one, and we’ll be on our way with our day!

The Cough is Literally The Indicator To Your Inner Expressions. No Matter How Dramatic They Appear, Water Helps!

Cycles Understood Within

Cycles are uninformed occurrences bound within a pattern. Think about the Moon and how much its cycles actually affect, the motions of the sea.

There are particular algorithms and repetitions that takes place. Often without announcement or guidance – we end up in the same place we were before. At HIGHER frequencies, we can tune into something that passed us before, only now our perspective is further developed than before.

I’m starting to understand the cycles within and around me and how they relate to actual demonstration. There seems to be a pull that is a rapture to my movement.

To achieve, to manifest, and to actually exercise means I must accept the fleeting yet all too powerful MOMENT. Seizing the great lecture, that comes with opportunity. Doors are mysterious because they each allow access to a different domain. What happens when you got several doors and you can only pick one?

Every door that closes, another one opens…strange, but true – let’s see what U can do?

– Prince

I can go to the other door. I’m not out of luck, the odds are always in my favor. Whichever I decision I make, will change the course of my journey entirely, and that’s ultimately OK.

Whichever I decision I make, will change the course of my journey entirely, and that’s ultimately OK.

Some may call me an over analyzed optimist. I see the good, even if it’s at the end. Even in extreme situations. I tend to always look at an eternal perspective, which is always redeemed in good. “It’s ALL Good Tho!” IT IS WHAT IT IS

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^^ You know what I’m thinking? That even though my situation is frustrating, even though I feel helpless and I’m drowning in a sense of loneliness, It’s ALL Good.

It is good, and its relation to me, rests on my abilities to receive it. Surrendering my fears in exchange for the allowance. Allowing my vulnerabilities to be exposed, means answering why I did it in the first place.

All The Goodwill ultimately return to me, so put in WORK and See the change. Become what you want to manifest. The more I put in action, and invest into brighter days, they are due to come at sudden moments.

Cycles understood within and around me are understood deeper when I put in the work necessary to achieve manifestation. Seeds are sown.