Ultraviolet Bloom (Sensory Illumination)

Ultraviolet Bloom (Sensory Illumination)

It is with pleasure and joy I announce my new music video for a song I composed late last year – Ultraviolet-Bloom which is also known as Sensory Illumination! The music and the music video was done by Jeremy Garner.

In light of the vast amount of creative work me and Jeremy have created over the years, we decided it would be appropriate to have a central place where you can find our various contributions of the years! We call it Planit Jade!

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It’s way overdue for us to have a central place in the world to see what we’ve done together. Some of our first creative pieces were done as early as 2014. Usually – I am writing along under the power of inspiration and I’ll share it with Jeremy and he has a unique ability to bring those words to life. Ultraviolet Bloom is another one of those occasions where it came to fullness. I can’t thank Jeremy enough for his willingness and excitement to help bring these visions to life. It always starts as something small than before you know it – It’s fully formed.

Sensory Illumination is one of those magical journey’s that takes you through intricate halls in my mind. The music takes you away from the heart to mind. Womb and Bloom! You can listen to this song in full here.

For never was my reason to understand
That would only mean I would have to learn
My spirit wished to only kiss the space in between giving and taking
My Flesh feels the emotion of touch and while knowledge comes closer to me
Bumps begins to race up and down my skin

Sensory Illumination
Ultraviolet bloom
Hearts are taking
Ultraviolet Womb

Where Was I?
Lost in the green meadows
A sanctuary found in the grass
My spirit half past awake and dead
Are we to begin where our hearts have fluttered?

Sensory Illumination
Ultraviolet Womb
Heart is taken
Ultraviolet Bloom

Born into a world that I never knew
Feelings overtaking me – gaining strength in places unbeknown to me
Poltergeist intentions seeking to overthrow this sinking place
A ghost of desire visiting me in cracked halls
Wishing she was found but in belly, we have began

Sensory Illumination
Ultraviolet Bloom
Mind is gone
Ultraviolet Womb

In my travels from dark to light
All are opened up to me – to find
To scatter – to miss place and to redeem
AM I feeling this light or is darkness finding me home?
Gone where all questions go in search for destiny
Trapped like light inside a pyramid A bloom of ultraviolet sensory illumination
Heart is taken
Mind is gone
Ultraviolet Womb

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Dreaming Of A World With More Zeros

Dreaming Of A World With More Zeros

I’m dreaming of a world with more zeros. A future filled with information which doesn’t end but repeats. A loop of daily routine found in a prism of ideas, to yield more discovery. How grand it would be, for our future to endlessly reach more experiences of love.

In a time where research is easily accessible – do you ever stop to think – we have enough information already? There’s so much hidden and revealed, there can’t be anything else left for us to know, right? Nah!

There’s plenty of wisdom left to uncover. The love of wisdom is what philosophy is at the center to root. The encouragement that comes from knowledge is awe-inspiring. The potential of knowledge made to good use revives and stimulates your nerves. When information is accessed properly – it aligns your memories to your eventual dreams.

Dreaming is to uncover those random thoughts that slipped through mundanity. *Let’s be Real: Life can be incredibly stagnant and predictable.* In spite of this, A picture that you briefly looked at it – can come back as a mansion of chandeliers. These can all be set to challenge and remind you of an essence meant to be explored when you wake up.

For a moment – picture every seed as a zero. When you plant zeros in the ground – you are essentially planting nothing. That’s what it seems. A small figure that expands into something Grand. All of the proper conditions must be in sync for it to yield a worthy result. Now think of it:

Dreaming of a world with more seeds.

Wouldn’t this be Grand? Where would we plant all of these seeds? They can’t all go into the ground – that would be limiting every other pocket waiting to be filled. Plant seeds in the clouds, souls, Children, etc. You’ll never have a shortage of places to plant seeds.

The more you plant those seeds – your zeros will stand among the many.

My dream is now living life with more seeds. More opportunities that await a future that’s entwined with past and present. It’s not that hard to see. A life that encourages us to plant seeds. To intend for a result which performs positivity.

ThEnDance (Sort of Dead)

ThEnDance (Sort of Dead)

”The dance at the end
Our memories and genetics – will they transcend?
What’s left of the impact we leave behind?
The matrix of life – does it fully unwind?
How are we then able to know?
When death reveals its face – do we all glow?
The insatiable hope that our actions aren’t in vain
That we’ll find a storage facility in some Human brain
Our lives are all but smoke cast into the air
Wishing to be smelled by the nose of those that dare
A compatible willingness to be remembered by the spices of our scent
Various pictures of our taste set aside as a tent in one’s mind
We all long to be remembered with a nostalgic bind
Experiences, memories, and our written history are the makeup of our lives
The dance floor is where we release – our collective archives”

Interrogate The ‘Why’

Interrogate The ‘Why’

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  1. “I can’t speak for anyone else, but I either know or I don’t know.”
  2. “It is only by grace through faith that we are saved. It is sort of like saying can you be saved if someone is reaching down the grab you from a sinking ship, but you smack the hand, then no you can’t be saved cause you are rejecting what can save you.”
  3. You can have faith and be lost too. In our mindset, we know where we gonna go but in reality, things will throw us off and we can get lost for a little IF we pay attention to that escape that is prepared for us to exit to that right path. So either way, both sides can get lost with or without faith. We just need to wake up and pay attention.” 
  4. “Only in case one is religious.”
  5.  “If you’re sincere.”
  6. Belief = Faith Faith=Belief.
  7. “You can have all the faith in the world and still the one doing the saving can still choose to say no.”2.jpeg
  8. I Like To Believe That All Roads Lead Home.”
  9.  “If you ask from religious folks their answer is yes.”
  10. “All forks in the roads lead to a destination.”
  11. “Lost or found – faith has little to nothing to do with it.”
  12. “Sometimes being lost is better than being found rather than being taken back to a house that isn’t a home.”
  13. “Yes, because if you don’t keep the faith – you are already lost, but what’s wrong with being lost?”
  14. “Faith is neither here or there – it’s a word to describe hope which we all have to some extent. Not having this, doesn’t make you anymore at ‘home’ than you being lost until you get to your destination.”3.jpeg
  15. “Faith is a worthy substitute. Our “gut feeling” comes from nowhere else but the highest. Some people call it common sense. Some people call it instinct. If people ask for evidence of proof, I believe that your mind and feelings are sufficient enough.”
  16. “Faith is born of evidence given in mysterious forms.”
  17. With me, I can see the evidence unfolding but it’s not ready to give birth yet. But my faith is like it has to be there, it just has to be there, oh it’s going to be there, heck yeah it’s there!!! BAM there it is after the fact. It scares me and then I’m reminded of Him that I asked and my faith was just strong to break those walls down!
  18. Do I believe in God? Heaven and Hell? Evidence and proof of a feeling, proof of our own human minds. What is right and wrong? Judgements! Create feelings! Hate is a choice. We must unlearn! I will say this for the record. I have been told I am going to Hell because of my demonic queer, lifestyle. So ungodly! This is what I tell the people who tell me this.. To be honest, I would be happy and grateful to go to Hell. Finally surrounded by my LGBTQ family, it would be one big happy LGBTQ dance party. I would be much safer in hell, then I am, here, on earth. The reality I live, is that people want me dead, because of religion, and religious beliefs, is that being Christian? I thought that was 1 of the ten commandments,”thou shall not kill?” Oh but you’re not actually taking a gun and pulling the trigger, but you are! You are separating yourself individually and now as a collective whole with judgments, right and wrong, those bullets are silent and yet very deadly… and Yes there are real bullets too. People actually die in the LGBTQ community. Someone in my LGBT family was murdered, found dead, two weeks ago, this exists people. Check your faith people – what you believe.
  19. If it’s a belief, it’s not evident.
  20. I think the very definition of faith is to believe without evidence. If someone tells me that there’s money growing on the tree in their yard, I’m going to want evidence before I turn up with my basket and start picking! But faith is almost a form of esoteric evidence, where you know something is true, even though you don’t have the evidence required to prove it to someone else. Luckily, we don’t have to, which is why faith is usually either a very personal, or else community-focused thing. 
    I’m genuinely puzzled by religions that try to convert people because they literally have no evidence to show, so they are trying to somehow generate faith in another’s heart, and that’s like trying to make a rainbow. You can’t make a rainbow, only God (or the Universe/alternative higher power/science) can do that, and it typically needs a particular set of circumstances in the lead up to it. 
    In general (although there are exceptions), the bigger the storm, the brighter the rainbow. Similarly, the bigger the crisis, the brighter faith shines in someone’s heart when it finally arrives (and it probably doesn’t ring the doorbell!)
  21. Not having evidence and believing is Faith. 

    Thank you to everyone who participated so far! You may or may not find your answer here but this series will continue on until July. My goal in providing these answers are not to dissect the categories of where these answers stem from. Philosophy and opinions share the same veins and the goal here is to expose the blood that gets us going. Although, we are not always going. Standing still in the middle of our quest – while we interrogate the ‘WHY’. What leads us to these various paths? The more we ask – we get a little bit closer.

Getting There

Getting There

FOLLOW ME AS I CAPTURE THE ESSENCE OF THE WIND
WE MAY BEGIN TO REVEAL THE SEEDS OF MY SIN
CRYSTAL STARLIGHT HOVERING OVER YOUR HAIR
A WANDERING CALL BECKONS YOU TO SIT OVER THERE

AND NOW HERE YOU ARE NERVOUS WITH DESIRE
WISHING FOR PURPOSE TO STING YOU WITH A HOLY FIRE
THEY CAN’T SEEM TO SEE THROUGH YOUR OPEN WINDOW
THOUGH YOUR HEART BEATS WITH A CRIPPLING CRESCENDO

LOST IN AN UNKNOWN LAIR – WHERE GOVERNING BEATS REPEAT
SOUNDS GLISTEN PROVIDING RHYTHMIC MEDICINE TO YOUR FEET
A MAP OF PROMISE BEGINS TO ARISE FROM THE SMOKE
A CAT APPEARS TO REMIND YOU OF FATES JOKE

HOW DID YOU EVER FIND THIS ARENA OF CIRCUMSTANCE
WHEN DID YOU EVER FORGET THE CODE OF TRANCE
NOW YOU CAN’T HELP BUT TRIP ON A SLIPPERY BASE
THEY CAN’T UNSEE YOUR BONAFIDE FACE

THE TOKENS HAVE ALL FELL OVER INSIDE A SHALLOW CREEK
AS OUR POCKETS WERE FULL – WE COULD HARDLY SPEAK
BLESSED ARE THE DAGGERING MOTIONS FROM THE SEA
FOR WOE WAS THEE, NO LONGER ME – FOR NOW WE HAVE THE KEY

Obsession With Filling (Feeling) The Page

Obsession With Filling (Feeling) The Page

I gotta feel what I’m writing. In search of this ‘feeling’, I’ve had to wrestle with just how much I’m writing on a page. If I write too little will people think I had little to say? If I write too much – got damn, I’m on my Jester Rants! (Btw, my YouTube channel will resurrect with more content this year!)

I want to win but I know losing is literally trying to find out what people like/want. Trying to fit in what people expect is much like the weather. It changes from day to day, although it’s much easier to know your target market through proper analytics! I must heed this while breaking into new areas.

The motivation, inspiration, and persuasion have always been a wavy sense of connection. I’m an explorer and the more I Search – I see an undeniable encoding in various life experiences.

The more I dig, the greater this connection speaks to me. As I’m writing this – I’m already seeing several ways this blog is gonna go. How do I maintain my focus without losing the ‘feeling’?

You feel me?

It’s important to chase the feeling and follow it wherever it leads you. As of now – my thoughts are leading me to fill the space. We don’t have to keep writing but the more I do – the closer I am to getting to my point.

The lines are drawn and the door is open. The more I write what I feel, the clearer I see how everything is connected. After all, buttons Connect and that’s why we button up our shirts. The symbols I see in everyday interaction come to life through my words. My words will become a platform for discovering the hidden and visible.

I find that at times, I’m caught in between the insufferable *but pleasurable* thigh of allegory and innuendo. I enjoy the warm embrace of making sense out of philosophical possibilities. This can be a task too daunting for my readers. It makes you read a lens not so commonly visited. You stand to benefit with this-this is a remix. Something that’s already been said but my way.

2018 is here and already 14 Days Into it, I’ve had to put in the work before it arrived. I use to say “I always am writing” but this couldn’t be further from the truth. I can’t always write otherwise – I wouldn’t have time to process, read, or observe. What is true though – is I can encourage myself to write with knowledge of a paycheck or simple creative fun. Getting into the habit of writing helps me contextualize those random words that always seem to float somewhere.

This year – I am taking more seriously the notion that I’m writing a book. I’m gonna need your help. It won’t write itself but the basis of it is already laid out.

I’m excited to share with you what more my pen will reveal. After all – It’s all about writing until the pens run out! Only this time – I ain’t doing it just to fill the page as long as I’m feeling it, the hope is that you will too!

Bless up!

The Opening Quest

The Opening Quest

In preparation for further development of my book, I decided to answer several questions from one of my favorite authors Dushka Zapata.

These questions set the tone for 2018 while also inspiring me to invite you to send me questions that you have thought about existence. The goal isn’t to overthink but to answer with what you feel in the heart of the moment.

Here are my favorite 14 questions.

1. “If life had no meaning, what meaning would I create for mine?”

I’d create a meaning that would mean something to me tomorrow. A meaning that has enough nutrition to last for me and those who came after me. If no others came after me then the meaning would have to be enough to satisfy me even when I’m bored. Something to make me laugh and cry because it’s all so beautifully complex.

2. “If there was no purpose to our existence, what purpose would I give to mine to shield myself from existential despair?”

I would make it a mission to make someone think about their life and what they can do with it. I would want them to laugh at how ironic this whole game of life is. I would want to show myself and people around me how life is so short and how we should chase what gives us that rush.

3. “What matters to me? Why? And once I figure this out, can I determine an order of importance?”

Freedom matters most to me. To be at full liberty without the worry that I must stop at the disadvantage of someone’s inability to respect my equilibrium. If I could get out of someone’s way to their freedom. Establishing importance would mean to know it’s not just about me.

4. “Is there a healthy, logical correlation between my priorities and how I spend my time? If not, why?”

I give myself too much time for tasks I feel can wait. I must embed a pattern of usual, so I don’t buy into the distractions because god knows I have binged on many distractions. I think I have bought so much time because I see time as an illusion and I feel I always have time, but I’ve come to realize I don’t always have time. It’s always leaving me when I gain it.

5. “What am I afraid of? Can I learn to distinguish the fear that protects me from the fear that stops me?”

“They say everybody is afraid of something although I don’t know what actually makes me afraid now. I am drawn to the unknown and I believe fear makes us strong at times. I suppose my fear is to be consistent in the most western way of doing it. (I must always pay my bills and have enough left over) Constantly making enough that is sufficient and inspiring enough to last. The best way for me to distinguish it is to fail occasionally and not feel guilty about it.”

6.”What happens when I get what I want? Is it glorious, empty, triumphant, anticlimactic? Why?”

I usually feel content with it. Sometimes when I want something so very badly and get it – I don’t feel like it was worth the wanting. I would like to capture the gloriousness more because there’s substance in playing in that feeling. I think it becomes anticlimactic because I knew I could get it – I just didn’t think I would survive the trip to get there.

7. “What does happiness mean to me? What makes me happy and how can I capture that elusive sensation more often?”

Happiness means more laughter and learning found in simple and complex things. I think if I read more, the joy of happiness will show up more.

8. “What hurts me? How can I become stronger against what causes me to suffer? How and where can I learn to suffer less? How can I remind myself that the person who makes me suffer the most is me?”

I hurt myself when I don’t own up to my decisions and how they influence others. I should remember that I am in the driver’s seat and that my reactions can be calmer. To be mindful of silence and that words don’t always have to be spoken.

9. “What is left of me if I attempt to define myself without leaning on anything I do? I am a student, I am a writer, I am a mom, I am a manager, I am a Vice President – these are all things I do. Who am I? Where is she?”

This is a very complex one. I am here and while I am here, I want to make as much hell and fun on this trip. I observe, sleep, learn and then convert this knowledge into love for everyone around me.

10. “How can I avoid losing myself in my relationships? What are my boundaries and how do I enforce them?”

One way is to have a clear understanding that we do not belong to each other but that we are only appreciating and honoring each other’s company. That we live with the knowledge that we can together but sometimes we may steer to our own strengths by ourselves. I can enforce my boundaries by staying true to myself without shame or pressure.

11. “What do my feelings teach me about myself? If I feel anger or jealousy, can I learn not to react to these feelings but instead determine what they are trying to tell me?”

They are trying to tell me to maybe rearrange what I do not understand. To Ask more questions and to speak softly and to apologize when I’ve assumed too much. I can learn by simply remembering people are often in the same state as me. They just want clarity.

12. “What happens when I sit in silence?”

I find that the stillness in myself is still yearning to speak to myself in riddles of nothing but me, myself, and I.

13. “How can I better manage change? How can I get better at accepting how little control I have?”

Knowing that I did not choose to be born here at the time I was. Some parts are played long before I got here.

14. “How would I like to be remembered?”

“Remembered for good company with a fresh willingness to open a door that people didn’t really think about turning, making them laugh while thinking.”

If you got through all of my answers to these magnificent questions, I applaud your interest endearingly! I encourage you to answer some of these questions as well! I wanted to start 2018 with these questions because they would open up my understanding of myself and where I want to go.

I am making it a mission to write way more while reading, listening, and observing.

We can do this thing together – narrating and asking. This will help us climb the ladder for clarity among all living things!

((*Every 7th of the month from now until March – I’ll post 3 of my favorite questions (& 7 replies) that I find correlates with the book I’m working on! If you have any questions that you have asked at any time // feel free to email me at jesterj7@hotmail.com

Gradual (Not Immediate) Approximately

Gradual (Not Immediate) Approximately

Are you aware of the ‘Trans-Theoretical Model’? (TTM)

It comes in 5 Stages:

(1) Pre-contemplation – When one is unaware that change is necessary.

(2) Contemplation – When one recognizes the problem but not fully committed to changing it.

(3) Preparation – When one decides a change is necessary – When one Makes an effort.

(4) Action – When one puts into motion the action to deal with the problem.

(5) Maintenance – Goes hand in hand with action – Also where urges arise to encourage a relapse into the same behaviors.

We don’t always take into account how long It takes to changing behavioral patterns. As most things in life teach us – it ain’t that simple and the complications should be honored. These steps provide a layout that reminds us of the pieces that form the full picture of recovery. Even when you’re on the last step – it’s important to keep track of progress.

It’s easy and expected to get lost on your road to recovery and it’s very plausible that you may relapse. We aren’t always understanding of this struggle but exercising empathy is one of the best traits we can use for one another. This doesn’t mean we excuse toxic behavior in favor or someone’s journey – but again to exercise empathy is a great reward.

At best we are only approximating solutions. We’re all looking through the glass dimly through scuffs and bruises. Which is close enough, TBh. We are gradually getting to where we need to be. If history serves us correctly, it takes time and failure.

Trial and error.

We can learn an awful lot if we use what’s around us to our advantage. There is a lot which is beyond our reach but so many things close to our distance. It’s better if we deal with what’s in front of us rather than overlook what’s just around the corner.

Which leads me to my next point.

When was the last time you thought about the importance of reading?

NEWS FLASH: Most folks – don’t read.

Headlines are not articles. Articles aren’t always volumes but if properly condensed you can pack a lot of information in a few paragraphs. You don’t have to travel to discover more about the people around you. Reading is fundamental and while this is clear – it’s often forgotten about. Books are becoming less and less interested in mass consumption.

The link between bad behaviors and reading inevitably cross in light of new information.

It suddenly dawned me on just how a vast many of us are indeed ‘programmed’. When I say suddenly – I don’t mean out of nowhere. It didn’t reveal itself from the blanket of nothingness. Rather – upon careful observation of our various climates and conditions. We (Humans) are a special breed of Living energies and the way we cope knowledge and information have never been easier at the dawn of this internet age.

^^ I saw this and laughed myself into a deeply thoughtful analysis which is the basis of this blog post.

How many of us are really informed because of the tools made available to us for FREE on the Internet? Water is life and So is The Internet and I’ve already talked about this before – so I won’t go too far on that.

When I think of being ‘programmed’ it’s not by some pseudo prophetic cyber chip implanted in our fingers and hands. It’s more indirect. We have far better access than we’ve ever had in history. Regardless of this, many of us are ignorant of those around us. We simply don’t know because we’re plugged into the system of paying bills and finding out what’s next to eat. This pattern of daily living can get ruthless and if you’re not stimulating your brain by renewing perspectives – like a languid body sitting constantly, you become stuck.

We may not be DEEP or Intellectual enough to break it down from the micro and macro but with the connection of knowledge, we can stay informed. Don’t know? Get up and exercise your right to ask.

This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t have to be all the way there. You can approximate your way to the answer.

When Flowers Yawn

When Flowers Yawn

As flowers dream to glistening stars above

They entrance me deeply

The foggy morning appears to me

The empathy of softness

The coy awakening where flower’s stare

Eye see joy there – inside it

The stardust gyrating around your hair

Are peddles you’ll repel by reflecting

Inside through outside – our kinship
are sleepy dreams

The cool summer that you once knew

You’ll see in me entirely

When flowers awaken – the dozy spell will signal

Our arms to stretch

As flowers stretch from the inside – we are transfixed by their yawn

Misery And Company At Your Buffet

Misery And Company At Your Buffet

I sat down right next to misery on the train towards The Highway of Empathy. Misery then told me, how much they loved my company for they had sensed my pain. Before I knew it – I began telling them what made me miserable. It’s fair to say we bonded quite quickly.

The phenomenon of trauma bonding is a bit more clever than I supposed. I left feeling as if I wasn’t the only one who had pains and bruises. I knew it was not only me who knew misery. When I finally arrived at Empathy Highway – I began to understand so many others experienced and felt similar to me. I quickly realize what we soon discover – I ain’t the only one in this bih!

“In the land of misery there lived a voice. A voice seeking to be heard by all of those whose woes were awakened by shared disgrace. Misery has a lot of company. Friends or enemies – it matters none to misery EVERYONE is invited to bond over the fire and ice. We are burned and then we are sent to Antartica.”

We are living in a time where misery is experienced at an intensified level.

With knowledge comes the awareness to put knowledge at exercise. It can’t stand to be stagnant – it must move in order for it to truly be alive. For what can be said about the familiar stroke of hardship? How are we to move on when our motivation is gone and when there’s no clear path to healing?

The conditions of life can be very hard even for the strongest of us. All we really have is each other and when your neighbor starts acting a fool, you got yourself. Even when you let yourself down, you’re still with YOU. Another chance to get it right. Remembering that even when it’s wrong you can appreciate the balance.

STILL, we can’t help but listen and share our woes. Whether with people, paper, art, or any amount of creation we can find to muster those silent woes. While we all share a relationship with life’s pain and triumphs – our pains are remembered with stronger conviction.

Misery is a friendly invitation extended to anyone who chooses to remember their miserable experiences. Somebody will find something to complain about. There’s always room for improvement and complaints remind us there are advancements that can be made. Just as long we keep it in the current motion.

Hindsight is more the 20/20 – it’s a dream we won’t remember all the details to.

We are like questions being drawn at the expense of searching for answers.

Sometimes all it takes is the right question to be found at the right time in your sorrow. I have learned to not be afraid of sorrows pull – for there’s a lot I have yet to process in my tears.

When the aches of life return and wish to retreat at a buffet with all sorts of past and present existential reminders – I’m gonna eat it one tribulation at a time. ( I may very well leave some entree’s because some things are too high in sugar and fat).

We don’t have to deal with all of the sorrows of the world at once. There’s a lot to eat and if you’re aren’t careful you can put way too much on your plate because you spend too much company with misery. Social Justice is important but if you’re gonna be a warrior – you have to always be prepared to fight.

That’s part of the problem, carrying swords, arrows, and armor. You won’t always be able to dodge those bullets and avoid the inevitable. The inevitable happens. Response or reaction? It’s all about your determination to resolve. If it’s all meant to be here or there.

Don’t let life hassle you into a thousand schemes of awakening. *Sleeping is sometimes some of the best natural medicine life can give you*. I’d encourage you to be aware of the many courses made available to you. Blow off your back the familiar retrograde set to keep you in flames. Every experience isn’t dealt with the same way – best if we stop pretending they are. Leave yourself to your own space where you can eat your grace at your pace.

Remember: You’re the one eating is what is nutrious. *Hopefully more than the sweets* You get to choose what you want and what’s yours. No matter who’s around you encouraging you to “EAT! EAT! IT’s GOOD!” It may not be good and to the company that suggests otherwise – remember it’s your buffet. You get to eat whatever you want. Your mouth, Your choice!