Cursed Belonging

Cursed Belonging

Cursed be the memory that led me to you – it was an illusion

A trick of the mind which entered me like a toxic pollution

The pollinated air and well-trained disguise guided me by making me adaptive

Those allergies produced a cough and itch that’s prisoned me captive

How could I ever resist that infallible rose

A token of blossom laced with the protection of the thorns which are clothes

I’m cut by the tender clinch

Reminded yet again that everything we hold requires us not to flinch

A forged experience completely entwined by a complex tribe

If we only listened to the call of the shadows – Would this still be a bribe?

Now, I’m like a ghost wishing to belong to a world opposite of the dream

Steady longing for those sketches of empty frames which scream

Envisioning to be filled yet again with color and personality

The curse of belonging is a memory from the heart of commonality but not factuality

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THE TRIGGERED GENERATION

THE TRIGGERED GENERATION

Hell Yeah, we’re Triggered.

It’s 2017 and everybody I know gets Triggered. It’s on some ASMR type of flow. Are you seeing the same shit I’m seeing?

Maybe you haven’t been aware of the plethora of ways in which trauma can be unlocked – but let me tell you: The box and key are always engaged in some kind of slippery slope of twists and turns.

Have you been living underneath a rock or something?

Every and anything can be triggering!

What’s funny about it – is that it doesn’t take much really. We’re constantly forced to deal with things and a lot of those things have childhood triggers we don’t understand yet.

Upon sudden contact – Bing!

We’re then pushed in the wrestling ring by the beast we haven’t fully seen.

Anytime I smell its fragrance – It gets a little bit closer to defeating me. I’m PRESSED because I can’t predict when my next collapse will take place?

It’s on the television. It’s on my phone. In the classroom. At work. With my family. With friends that I hang out with. I have no idea what I’m gonna see or what I hear and how this may trigger me wherever I happen to be.

Triggers are invisible forces that I can’t seem to protect myself from.

No warning. No map for closure. My anxiety is constantly multiplying because of various triggers.

These are close to home reminders that are not so easy to run away from.

I heard somebody say “Our generation should just get a grip and not be so loose on our emotions when they run through us like a flame.” I’m just laughing at that cuz IF we could pick and choose what triggered us, we wouldn’t be so damn triggered.

While we can’t control how they come, I suppose we understand those triggers. We can begin to learn how to unpack some of those various traumas.

Identifying them can be hard work tho – but it’s our responsibility.

Are we the Triggered Generation? I’d say Hell Yeah! But people long before us have had these triggers.

We’re just a bit more aware of the impact they have and there’s comfort in knowing – we ain’t all alone in this.

This piece is for my friend Loxten, which will be used for his future project.

Shadow Acquaintance

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It sometimes haunts me with a lingering presence. It’s as if my eyes can only see it and its beginning to make me nervous. Yet, I am finding peace in what this means. The memory is becoming a comedy and eventually- I end up swallowing the anomaly. It’s not so bad to miss great experiences and to monetarily become engulfed with the charm of its power. Reality keeps me in check. I realize, there were a series of choices that were made, which leads me to where I am.

It wasn’t a spontaneous amount of emotionally unbalanced feelings. I regret nothing because what I demonstrated was a result of real emotions. So as the parade of positive memories follows me as a person. The shadowy nature of its power, reveals to my ways; I was hurt and misunderstood as well. It’s not that I focus on the darker aspects of experiences but I must allow proper balance and weight.

It wasn’t all the way white, so let’s acknowledge the BLACK.

Every experience seems to carry both light and dark aspects. So it is necessary to find favor in both the black and white. (Never dispel one because the other is more appealing to you.) So with an alarming shadow appearing at randomized moments, I can truly appreciate this presence that feels like a person.
The light and the activity around it, reveals this dark shadow, which has become a necessary acquaintance.

Hovering

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I’m hovering over you because you’re over me.

Your shadow is a lurking creep and I swear it’s to keep me in the age of ancient time.

Sweet forces of bliss pantomimed.

In my heart and my conscious mind.

Addressing the tribulations of my alienated vocal dimension – I beckon to be heard.

Through a lover like you, with a season of passion and a river of mention.

To be carried under your umbrella of comfort, I plead for the rain to shower.

Just to be felt by your grasp, only a little more, and I’ll be closer into the pondering of your mind.

Comforted by the sweet walls of your thoughts.

These scales of recognition are trailing marks of your interest to me.

Your ideas carved with me in sound.

Breathlessly my own sequence of words is captured in the engaging glare.

Redemption.

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You excite me and make my thoughts – spend into suspension.

All of you.

I can’t deny what I wanna make you feel.

I wanna cause your actions to form into a battle.

Literally paralyzing you into a web of sticky cream.

Then I want to get rid of your syrup by sentencing your lips with the weapon of my passion.

Pouring into you sections – I haven’t shown to anyone.

But my youthful self when I first realized, how bad I wanted a girl like you.

Badly like the oceans – I seek to calm you in the midst of your trauma.

Again I wanna become a slave to your spell.

I want you to look at me so I can surrender my reservations to you.

Giving you my jokes and camaraderie so that your laughter is a temptation of undress.

Confess!

Confess so I can heal you by the meditative forgiveness I must pardon to you.

For the blasphemy of your presence writes onto the walls the need for redemption.

If my passions resurrect a savior to your transgressions – follow me into this bliss.

Heaven is our journey and we are saints as we relinquish into the fire of paradise.

Inspired BY The Muse Of Native Land.

Sand & Flowers: Structures Of Relationships

There was a time where my heart pressured the will of my mind, that has stopped long ago. It has been a sincere fight against the movement of my fingers to not type this. Expressing my feelings to help you is one of the reasons I created this blog. I did it so that you can relate to my feelings towards any persuasion out there in life.

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Relationships require a strong foundation, one that is not built on sand or castles of flowers. Flowers and sand are pretty divine, in that they are natural minerals this wonderful earth has given us. If you were to count all of the grains of sand in one cup, it would literally be impossible. Each piece of sand matters, as far as the diversity of flowers, that’s pretty astounding to think about as well.

A foundation of a relationship is easier to be built when the two people are together in the physical.

I only want to be together, I made a promise, of seeing you again. Who cares what pressure can do? Obviously, pressure makes one afraid to ask questions or even propose resolutions.

I remember following my heart according to a usual design. You do too probably? A time where the advice of love was given through the stories projected on TV/Internet/Books. (Times where people told us how relationships could be) When couples would argue or sometimes split because a situation was covered for so long. Until eventually it came up again and ruined the relationship. It’s like that sometimes, but if we were to be aggressively honest: WHO really cares about the NOW? We all can say that NOW, but the future is far more complex than just numbers.

I am going to give you a call sometime soon, just so we plan and expect a meeting of the eyes. (Yeah, I need to SEE you.)

Never mind the unanswered obvious details of neglect. It’s easy to say, one doesn’t care. It’s just as easy to function in our lives believing that love was an agenda taken in the youth of our existence. We have both been changed forever. You and I both know that it’s not doing us any good believing we both worked for nothing. We can talk about the beauty of traveling, and seeing new things or even opening new chapters. But in the deepest soul of our hearts, we still want love and understanding. I’ve been thinking about your smile and the way you set up a story. I’ve simply been thinking about you and me. 

I have because those thoughts were just a few days ago and also it’s a valid thought. It’s always fascinating to hear what will soon come out of your mouth and mind. Through this absence, THE LONGEST AT that. We have realized our strength. The more we think about it, it destroys us. It will destroy you.

Listen to me, readers and listeners of the mind.

“If your focused pivot is a question within your own answer, you’ll be broken.”

I think we both have healed a little bit to speak on a term which will open up the gates to plan our possible meeting.

I’d like to propose a toast:

Here is to the color we have been taught through space and time. The color that raises the voice to what we both understand. Water, life, and freedom are all ONE in this cup. To thee, I drink!

Cheers!

Summarized Notion For Thought: The intercourse of your words are important. How you exemplify them are destiny to its meaning. The action that just might hide in your delivery should be given a respected applause. 

Stevie Wonder – Overjoyed – This song inspired the sand and flower talk 🙂