Asleep // Alarm

Asleep // Alarm

*The following script, is in connection to a series of conversations entitled ‘Riddle Me That…” which is due for release at the beginning of 2019.

Jagrati: WAKE UP!

Gramercy: Wait, for what? It’s only 7:00! I got a couple more zzz’s.

Jagrati: There’s a lot to do! Best start early – if you get up now, you won’t have to regret it later! Now Get up! The clock is ticking!

Gramercy: That’s just the thing tho. I didn’t set this alarm and my sleep time is set differently. I don’t respond by such algorithms and determinations. My body is still snuggled between the sheets and my brain is powered in a REM state, so I’ll keep on
resting.

Jagrati: How long shall you snooze me to your heart’s content? Will you ever be ready to face the sound or only when you decide to designate time?

Gramercy: *Clicks to snooze button*

Jagrati: *fades into slowly while progressively getting louDER!!!* Wake up! I’m the reminder of the time! I don’t aim to be embraced- just acknowledged.

Gramercy: Alright, now is the time. I’m ready but first I must get dressed for the day.

Jagrati: Therefore, you should set me early, so you have all proper time to get all your essentials done and out of the way with! By the time you finish eating your breakfast, beating your meat, and checking your phone – about an hour and a half has already passed! You only get so much time to handle your business. Start by following a specific pattern and be a disciple of this set discipline. You won’t regret it!

Gramercy: Then I’ll be like a robot always doing the same shit repeatedly.

Jagrati: Your entire species is built on the same ridiculous concept of existence. IT IS WHAT IT IS.

Gramercy: What about sleep? Don’t I deserve sleep?

Jagrati: Yes but no more than others do. You sleep too much which may be an indication of depression which is a very serious medical condition. You may not be depressed. You may just enjoy it very much because you dream every night. If the dream is more convincing than waking life – you are likely depressed.

Gramercy: So, because I love going to sleep and not waking up to you – I’m clinically depressed?

Jagrati: I said you may be depressed – I’m not saying you are. Seeing as you wake up late and snooze alarms whenever you see fit. I don’t see why you even bother to wake up whenever and ditch the idea of putting me on in the first place?

Gramercy: You’re right. I should just sleep and wake up whenever I feel like it. I don’t suppose setting the time makes a slight difference if I’m going to do what I want to do. *laughs inwardly*

Jagrati: Exactly, although you do realize that humans must have some sort of structure and order to their day otherwise everybody will be late. Which is why setting me up and abiding by my rule is better for everyone involved. After all, don’t you have something to do?

Gramercy: We all have something to do, I’m just not necessarily punctual about getting work done at a specific time. I have just accepted that I’m later to most things lol

Jagrati: You can simply blame it on the ailments of life, a schedule glitch, or the dreams that make you wanna sleep forever, it matters none. I’m here to help you get back on pace.

Gramercy: I’ll stay on sleeping, I’m tired of waking up all the time. Do you realize how paralyzing existence can be? All the bullshit and bills. It never stops and even if I wake up early to get my day started according to the system – the bullshit and bills will be waiting for me with open arms! I ain’t got the time for the dialogue. My sleep is my monologue and I refuse to be bothered by the semantics of the daily grind. I’m gonna keep on sleeping until forced to arrive at the conclusion- life is more than this.

Jagrati: The average human being sleeps about 1/3 of their life. Essentially 26 years of your life is spent sleeping…then you die. There’s no coming back when you clock out. So much to do, don’t you want to engage the various levels of the day?

Gramacy: *snores, zzzz, zzz*

Jagrati: I won’t ever shut up despite your snores!!!

*Fades while simultaneously snoring and alarm beeps*

Gramacy: !!Oh Shit, it’s 5:00 o’Clock!!!

 

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The Opening Quest

The Opening Quest

In preparation for further development of my book, I decided to answer several questions from one of my favorite authors Dushka Zapata.

These questions set the tone for 2018 while also inspiring me to invite you to send me questions that you have thought about existence. The goal isn’t to overthink but to answer with what you feel in the heart of the moment.

Here are my favorite 14 questions.

1. “If life had no meaning, what meaning would I create for mine?”

I’d create a meaning that would mean something to me tomorrow. A meaning that has enough nutrition to last for me and those who came after me. If no others came after me then the meaning would have to be enough to satisfy me even when I’m bored. Something to make me laugh and cry because it’s all so beautifully complex.

2. “If there was no purpose to our existence, what purpose would I give to mine to shield myself from existential despair?”

I would make it a mission to make someone think about their life and what they can do with it. I would want them to laugh at how ironic this whole game of life is. I would want to show myself and people around me how life is so short and how we should chase what gives us that rush.

3. “What matters to me? Why? And once I figure this out, can I determine an order of importance?”

Freedom matters most to me. To be at full liberty without the worry that I must stop at the disadvantage of someone’s inability to respect my equilibrium. If I could get out of someone’s way to their freedom. Establishing importance would mean to know it’s not just about me.

4. “Is there a healthy, logical correlation between my priorities and how I spend my time? If not, why?”

I give myself too much time for tasks I feel can wait. I must embed a pattern of usual, so I don’t buy into the distractions because god knows I have binged on many distractions. I think I have bought so much time because I see time as an illusion and I feel I always have time, but I’ve come to realize I don’t always have time. It’s always leaving me when I gain it.

5. “What am I afraid of? Can I learn to distinguish the fear that protects me from the fear that stops me?”

“They say everybody is afraid of something although I don’t know what actually makes me afraid now. I am drawn to the unknown and I believe fear makes us strong at times. I suppose my fear is to be consistent in the most western way of doing it. (I must always pay my bills and have enough left over) Constantly making enough that is sufficient and inspiring enough to last. The best way for me to distinguish it is to fail occasionally and not feel guilty about it.”

6.”What happens when I get what I want? Is it glorious, empty, triumphant, anticlimactic? Why?”

I usually feel content with it. Sometimes when I want something so very badly and get it – I don’t feel like it was worth the wanting. I would like to capture the gloriousness more because there’s substance in playing in that feeling. I think it becomes anticlimactic because I knew I could get it – I just didn’t think I would survive the trip to get there.

7. “What does happiness mean to me? What makes me happy and how can I capture that elusive sensation more often?”

Happiness means more laughter and learning found in simple and complex things. I think if I read more, the joy of happiness will show up more.

8. “What hurts me? How can I become stronger against what causes me to suffer? How and where can I learn to suffer less? How can I remind myself that the person who makes me suffer the most is me?”

I hurt myself when I don’t own up to my decisions and how they influence others. I should remember that I am in the driver’s seat and that my reactions can be calmer. To be mindful of silence and that words don’t always have to be spoken.

9. “What is left of me if I attempt to define myself without leaning on anything I do? I am a student, I am a writer, I am a mom, I am a manager, I am a Vice President – these are all things I do. Who am I? Where is she?”

This is a very complex one. I am here and while I am here, I want to make as much hell and fun on this trip. I observe, sleep, learn and then convert this knowledge into love for everyone around me.

10. “How can I avoid losing myself in my relationships? What are my boundaries and how do I enforce them?”

One way is to have a clear understanding that we do not belong to each other but that we are only appreciating and honoring each other’s company. That we live with the knowledge that we can together but sometimes we may steer to our own strengths by ourselves. I can enforce my boundaries by staying true to myself without shame or pressure.

11. “What do my feelings teach me about myself? If I feel anger or jealousy, can I learn not to react to these feelings but instead determine what they are trying to tell me?”

They are trying to tell me to maybe rearrange what I do not understand. To Ask more questions and to speak softly and to apologize when I’ve assumed too much. I can learn by simply remembering people are often in the same state as me. They just want clarity.

12. “What happens when I sit in silence?”

I find that the stillness in myself is still yearning to speak to myself in riddles of nothing but me, myself, and I.

13. “How can I better manage change? How can I get better at accepting how little control I have?”

Knowing that I did not choose to be born here at the time I was. Some parts are played long before I got here.

14. “How would I like to be remembered?”

“Remembered for good company with a fresh willingness to open a door that people didn’t really think about turning, making them laugh while thinking.”

If you got through all of my answers to these magnificent questions, I applaud your interest endearingly! I encourage you to answer some of these questions as well! I wanted to start 2018 with these questions because they would open up my understanding of myself and where I want to go.

I am making it a mission to write way more while reading, listening, and observing.

We can do this thing together – narrating and asking. This will help us climb the ladder for clarity among all living things!

((*Every 7th of the month from now until March – I’ll post 3 of my favorite questions (& 7 replies) that I find correlates with the book I’m working on! If you have any questions that you have asked at any time // feel free to email me at jesterj7@hotmail.com

Peddle Deep

Peddle Deep

I was peddling so hard – I didn’t know how close I was to falling down, until about 28 minutes ago! Ever get in the mood for just a race? You want to run so far as if some zombie is coming behind you! When you got that kind of motivation your legs become even more determined to go faster!

My legs were fully inspired. By the time, I was just about to get to my destination. It dawned on me – I had to stop before coming body first into a collision. (Duh!) Before nearly crashing -I hit the breaks HARD! So hard where I nearly fell off my damn bike!

Luckily tho, my instincts kicked in right in time for me to feel how close I was to falling off. My hands grabbed the handlebars earnestly. Like a man in love holds his lover in the time of delight, I was holding onto dem bars TIGHT!

Suddenly, my feet slid at an angle where it then dragged for several seconds while gulping equilibrium in the process. To make matters more sensitive – I had on soft Nike’s too. I got up – having realized I made it to my destination without falling off. Basically: It hurt like hell at the time it was all done.

As I walked up to put the bike back in place – I felt a pulsating pain. I legit thought I had fractured my ankle. I was happy I didn’t fall off. If the breaks were not engaged – I would have easily run on various solid surfaces.

I guess it didn’t matter how hard I was peddling – as long as I made it to my destination safely. A bit bruised up? Yes. A pep in my step due to avoiding my body crashing? Yes. But no long-term pains.

This taught me a valuable lesson: No matter how fast you’re going. How determined you are. You’re gonna have to stop. You’d be pressed to remember soon before it’s too late. So, peddle deep but take it easy around the corners – remember to break with a considerable sloth BEFORE arriving at your destination.

Gradual (Not Immediate) Approximately

Gradual (Not Immediate) Approximately

Are you aware of the ‘Trans-Theoretical Model’? (TTM)

It comes in 5 Stages:

(1) Pre-contemplation – When one is unaware that change is necessary.

(2) Contemplation – When one recognizes the problem but not fully committed to changing it.

(3) Preparation – When one decides a change is necessary – When one Makes an effort.

(4) Action – When one puts into motion the action to deal with the problem.

(5) Maintenance – Goes hand in hand with action – Also where urges arise to encourage a relapse into the same behaviors.

We don’t always take into account how long It takes to changing behavioral patterns. As most things in life teach us – it ain’t that simple and the complications should be honored. These steps provide a layout that reminds us of the pieces that form the full picture of recovery. Even when you’re on the last step – it’s important to keep track of progress.

It’s easy and expected to get lost on your road to recovery and it’s very plausible that you may relapse. We aren’t always understanding of this struggle but exercising empathy is one of the best traits we can use for one another. This doesn’t mean we excuse toxic behavior in favor or someone’s journey – but again to exercise empathy is a great reward.

At best we are only approximating solutions. We’re all looking through the glass dimly through scuffs and bruises. Which is close enough, TBh. We are gradually getting to where we need to be. If history serves us correctly, it takes time and failure.

Trial and error.

We can learn an awful lot if we use what’s around us to our advantage. There is a lot which is beyond our reach but so many things close to our distance. It’s better if we deal with what’s in front of us rather than overlook what’s just around the corner.

Which leads me to my next point.

When was the last time you thought about the importance of reading?

NEWS FLASH: Most folks – don’t read.

Headlines are not articles. Articles aren’t always volumes but if properly condensed you can pack a lot of information in a few paragraphs. You don’t have to travel to discover more about the people around you. Reading is fundamental and while this is clear – it’s often forgotten about. Books are becoming less and less interested in mass consumption.

The link between bad behaviors and reading inevitably cross in light of new information.

It suddenly dawned me on just how a vast many of us are indeed ‘programmed’. When I say suddenly – I don’t mean out of nowhere. It didn’t reveal itself from the blanket of nothingness. Rather – upon careful observation of our various climates and conditions. We (Humans) are a special breed of Living energies and the way we cope knowledge and information have never been easier at the dawn of this internet age.

^^ I saw this and laughed myself into a deeply thoughtful analysis which is the basis of this blog post.

How many of us are really informed because of the tools made available to us for FREE on the Internet? Water is life and So is The Internet and I’ve already talked about this before – so I won’t go too far on that.

When I think of being ‘programmed’ it’s not by some pseudo prophetic cyber chip implanted in our fingers and hands. It’s more indirect. We have far better access than we’ve ever had in history. Regardless of this, many of us are ignorant of those around us. We simply don’t know because we’re plugged into the system of paying bills and finding out what’s next to eat. This pattern of daily living can get ruthless and if you’re not stimulating your brain by renewing perspectives – like a languid body sitting constantly, you become stuck.

We may not be DEEP or Intellectual enough to break it down from the micro and macro but with the connection of knowledge, we can stay informed. Don’t know? Get up and exercise your right to ask.

This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t have to be all the way there. You can approximate your way to the answer.

The Qualified Sum

The Qualified Sum

If you’re gonna play: Rock, Paper, Scissors with me – look directly into my eyes. Only look down when it’s time to decide who won. You’re cheating if you look at the hands the whole time, Don’t debate me – on this! 😀

Games like Rock, Paper, Scissors and Tic Tac Toe (X’s and O’s) are based on specific patterns. If you learn them, you’ll be able to win depending on if your opponent makes a mistake. Worst case scenario is that there would be a tie with no winners or losers. Yay!

I find games like this fun because with enough repetition – your subconscious catches on to how the player makes their move. We don’t always win at this but if you aren’t aware of the algorithm – you’ll find yourself losing more and more. This doesn’t always favor your ego, especially if you’re used to winning.

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Some of us are so bitter when it comes to failing we revise history to our advantage. *coughs – white people* It makes absolutely no sense to do this. It just makes you a sore loser. White Supremacists, Neo-Nazis, and Confederate loving Americans are PRIME at doing this. They don’t wanna look at history for what it is but rather what they want to make out of it.

Times like now are interesting because they force us to examine the ways we cheat at excusing our behavior. We’re afraid of owning up to some of our own biases if they mean proving us wrong.

Ever caught yourself in a: “NOT ALL OF US” KIND OF MOMENT?

It should be painfully obvious that ‘NOT ALL ‘ is dumped in when talking about a group of people. I’ve been seeing a lot of statements like #MenAreTrash – previously, I would get on the defense whenever I’d hear a generality like that because ‘HEY NOT ALL MEN ARE TRASH’.

Now, I knew I had trash ways as a man and I didn’t want to look at them because ‘We all fall short’ but this isn’t the way to go about it. If you don’t fit in the scenario than keep it moving.

Some are qualified in the variables made – if you don’t fit the shoe, don’t even try to wear it. Our egos can be big and to check ourselves is the easiest thing we can do if our feelings start running amuck.

In short: We qualify which moves we make on the board. The best we can aim for is to even out. We don’t gotta get mad if it ain’t about us. One of the best things I learned from my grandmother is “Everything ain’t about you and trust me – that’s a good thing!.”

BaManifesto💥

BaManifesto💥

What’s gained is lost.

By the measures of reduction via conversion. You can’t have a proper conversation without some kind of reduction.

Don’t let this dismay or upset you.
Life is also about the giving and the taking. Basically: you gotta pay da bills.

I know – crazy right? You got to work to survive on a planet you didn’t even ask to be in. That’s a reason to be upset sometimes.

The less you have the more is expected to be given.

Society tends to be stupid. Yeah, I think you know that by now but it’s stupider than you think. Society forces you to talk when silence is needed.

You can’t do anything that is validated anymore because if your audience reach is everyone – you’ll certainly disappoint someone.

Hence the stupidity of society – you get framed when you ain’t even the picture. You won’t be able to please everyone because some people require different lengths of a garment for what’s fitted.

If you do it – it’s a REACH. If you don’t do it – you missed the opportunity to cash in. So either way // What’s gained is lost. The flow of what’s good comes at a cost.

How well are you counting the steps to what’s gonna turn into a disaster?

It’s only a matter of time before it all hits a landslide. Then BAM – you gotta deal with the explosive manifesto.

LIFE COMES AT YOU FAST!

You can burn with the fire of the sun and drown in the water of life. Before the alarm goes off you have to make sure you’re prepared. I’m doing what I have to do so I’ll arrive on time. This doesn’t stop, parallel winds that confuse you and aim to confiscate your jewelry and chains.

Before you know it, you’re left penniless and homeless.

No place to go only hopeful dreams to fill the void in your head. If only you invested your last change – your wallet would be fat and your cards stacked. The course of life left you with only the leaves of spring.

The wind remains a charm to your destination. Like a bag in the air- you’ll fly away with a random gust of navigation. The atom then splits and the party invites you to come and groove.

I’m cool on that as long as I don’t buy into thoughts that I can’t compensate. Beyond the light – we all ache to compensate for the darkness we have not yet found.

This darkness is within us and we can’t escape the pull of its fierce reality.

From the sadness of childhood contemplation, we then reach inside our souls. These tears are found within the wishing well of our remembrance. For we can not neglect the motions that have brought conviction to the current.

Waves are set and have boarded in a resistance that must be awakened. For sleeping in the dream is an alarm to our subconscious. It’s no wonder why we react because our childhood has been tortured.

The passages of neglect have been misplaced on the shelf. A book like this is to be remembered and the mirror shows us our deepest revelations. Honest trees are in our garden and those seeds were planted decades before.

The wind blows against the branches and when the moonlight shines – the darkness returns. Only to be remembered by a shadow cast by the dim light upon the roots.

Candy Feathers – Rainbow Forgery

Candy Feathers – Rainbow Forgery

The colors you bring to my mind are filled with delight and cream. I can only dream and dream when my eyes go to sleep. You’re simply what I want.

Can you be obtained, and when I finally taste of your colors – will you avenge me and forge my sensation?

Ketchup is noticeably on your clothes. You eating sloppy so slow down! This Narrative of consumption focuses on the color that comes with your favorites foods. Candy invites the dream – it entices the desire to gain with its every bite, before you know it you’ll be flying high. Just make sure your colors aren’t forged.

PSYCHEDELIC SENSATION

PSYCHEDELIC SENSATION

Recently, colors have reintroduced themselves back to me and the results have been a psychedelic sensation. Sensation, like a conversation, allows navigation to be understood and recognized. Imagine a Rubik’s Cube – by removing all of the colors, you’re essentially moving without any intention. You’re just aimlessly twisting a cube with no true recognition of arrangement. Color helps lead the way in finding the answer. Colors are like Thick Triggers which enforces a statue of emotion.

The Thrill of color has expanded a Kaleidoscopic Vortex within me. A lot of lectures are coming through. Amazing how the manifestation of Fall can make one appreciate the deeper hues in retrospect. I’m collectively engaged in sensation.

 

Native Rapture Via X

For when I ascended into the Native Rapture, my mind and frame began to pose a description. Every now and then, she comes again, and the lessons you never forget. You become a Designated Fool as Sananda Maitreya put it.

There she goes speculating on someone
For her private school
There he is her next sugar daddy-o
Her designated fool
She’s a teacher of unbelievable skill
I once loved her and now I paying the bill

Right about now she’s regulating on someone
With her juicy groove
If papa comes quick
She’ll slow ’em down and teach ’em a textbook trick
Some advanced curriculum

She’s a master
At stimulating her class
I once loved her
I graduated too fast

Fool, because with her ALL her knowledge will likely terminate your missionary trip. That can’t be a bad thing, can it?

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From the tropical edge, and by the Native pledge – her colors are the foundation of life.

She comes to capture and with strong memories you’ve already ascended into her rapture.

Beyond the stars and passing around the crescent moon; here she has come not a moment too soon.

She reminds you of your vulnerable scales; like the time you thought dolphins were whales.

She always made you remember; science was the only everlasting December.

Her face was shades of colorful ambition; apertures and contrasts of tuition.

What a price you had to pay; for, with your concentrated stare, you have stepped into the gray.

Your mission has become the predator and the prey. 

To know you – means she must consume you, but only by her native woo.

Truth Testing // Finger AND FIST

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When it becomes the name of ‘TRUTH’ a few things come to mind, to all of us, and we can go through different measures to help articulate what it may mean. I’ve studied heavily on articulation, and that writing will come after this one. I just wanted to share my studies on the finger and fist of what sometimes we represent, in our journey to understanding and clarity.

Here, are some definitions, of those different methods, and also a beautiful explanation by Ravi as it pertains to the quest.

Rationalism –

  1. A belief or theory that opinions and actions should be based on reason and knowledge rather than on religious belief or emotional response.
  2. The theory that reason rather than experience is the foundation of certainty in knowledge.

Empiricism  / Verification Principles, Scientific Worldview Results Took Over.  –

  1. The theory that all knowledge is derived from sense-experience.
  2. Practice-based on experiment and observation.
Existentialism/  Emotional Experiences, Personal Subjectivity –

A philosophical theory or approach that emphasizes the existence of the individual person as a free and responsible agent determining…
Post-Modernism/ NO Absolutes/ Did away, with truth, meaning, and certainty.  – A late 20th-century style in the arts, architecture, and criticism that represents a departure from modernism.

 

In life, we never graduate, but our learning is progressed in unending revelation!