The Opening Quest

The Opening Quest

In preparation for further development of my book, I decided to answer several questions from one of my favorite authors Dushka Zapata.

These questions set the tone for 2018 while also inspiring me to invite you to send me questions that you have thought about existence. The goal isn’t to overthink but to answer with what you feel in the heart of the moment.

Here are my favorite 14 questions.

1. “If life had no meaning, what meaning would I create for mine?”

I’d create a meaning that would mean something to me tomorrow. A meaning that has enough nutrition to last for me and those who came after me. If no others came after me then the meaning would have to be enough to satisfy me even when I’m bored. Something to make me laugh and cry because it’s all so beautifully complex.

2. “If there was no purpose to our existence, what purpose would I give to mine to shield myself from existential despair?”

I would make it a mission to make someone think about their life and what they can do with it. I would want them to laugh at how ironic this whole game of life is. I would want to show myself and people around me how life is so short and how we should chase what gives us that rush.

3. “What matters to me? Why? And once I figure this out, can I determine an order of importance?”

Freedom matters most to me. To be at full liberty without the worry that I must stop at the disadvantage of someone’s inability to respect my equilibrium. If I could get out of someone’s way to their freedom. Establishing importance would mean to know it’s not just about me.

4. “Is there a healthy, logical correlation between my priorities and how I spend my time? If not, why?”

I give myself too much time for tasks I feel can wait. I must embed a pattern of usual, so I don’t buy into the distractions because god knows I have binged on many distractions. I think I have bought so much time because I see time as an illusion and I feel I always have time, but I’ve come to realize I don’t always have time. It’s always leaving me when I gain it.

5. “What am I afraid of? Can I learn to distinguish the fear that protects me from the fear that stops me?”

“They say everybody is afraid of something although I don’t know what actually makes me afraid now. I am drawn to the unknown and I believe fear makes us strong at times. I suppose my fear is to be consistent in the most western way of doing it. (I must always pay my bills and have enough left over) Constantly making enough that is sufficient and inspiring enough to last. The best way for me to distinguish it is to fail occasionally and not feel guilty about it.”

6.”What happens when I get what I want? Is it glorious, empty, triumphant, anticlimactic? Why?”

I usually feel content with it. Sometimes when I want something so very badly and get it – I don’t feel like it was worth the wanting. I would like to capture the gloriousness more because there’s substance in playing in that feeling. I think it becomes anticlimactic because I knew I could get it – I just didn’t think I would survive the trip to get there.

7. “What does happiness mean to me? What makes me happy and how can I capture that elusive sensation more often?”

Happiness means more laughter and learning found in simple and complex things. I think if I read more, the joy of happiness will show up more.

8. “What hurts me? How can I become stronger against what causes me to suffer? How and where can I learn to suffer less? How can I remind myself that the person who makes me suffer the most is me?”

I hurt myself when I don’t own up to my decisions and how they influence others. I should remember that I am in the driver’s seat and that my reactions can be calmer. To be mindful of silence and that words don’t always have to be spoken.

9. “What is left of me if I attempt to define myself without leaning on anything I do? I am a student, I am a writer, I am a mom, I am a manager, I am a Vice President – these are all things I do. Who am I? Where is she?”

This is a very complex one. I am here and while I am here, I want to make as much hell and fun on this trip. I observe, sleep, learn and then convert this knowledge into love for everyone around me.

10. “How can I avoid losing myself in my relationships? What are my boundaries and how do I enforce them?”

One way is to have a clear understanding that we do not belong to each other but that we are only appreciating and honoring each other’s company. That we live with the knowledge that we can together but sometimes we may steer to our own strengths by ourselves. I can enforce my boundaries by staying true to myself without shame or pressure.

11. “What do my feelings teach me about myself? If I feel anger or jealousy, can I learn not to react to these feelings but instead determine what they are trying to tell me?”

They are trying to tell me to maybe rearrange what I do not understand. To Ask more questions and to speak softly and to apologize when I’ve assumed too much. I can learn by simply remembering people are often in the same state as me. They just want clarity.

12. “What happens when I sit in silence?”

I find that the stillness in myself is still yearning to speak to myself in riddles of nothing but me, myself, and I.

13. “How can I better manage change? How can I get better at accepting how little control I have?”

Knowing that I did not choose to be born here at the time I was. Some parts are played long before I got here.

14. “How would I like to be remembered?”

“Remembered for good company with a fresh willingness to open a door that people didn’t really think about turning, making them laugh while thinking.”

If you got through all of my answers to these magnificent questions, I applaud your interest endearingly! I encourage you to answer some of these questions as well! I wanted to start 2018 with these questions because they would open up my understanding of myself and where I want to go.

I am making it a mission to write way more while reading, listening, and observing.

We can do this thing together – narrating and asking. This will help us climb the ladder for clarity among all living things!

((*Every 7th of the month from now until March – I’ll post 3 of my favorite questions (& 7 replies) that I find correlates with the book I’m working on! If you have any questions that you have asked at any time // feel free to email me at jesterj7@hotmail.com

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The Performance.

The Performance.

What you gonna do now? Keep talking?

What about walking?

Are your shoes tied? What’s happening? Did you get in shape before the match? What about drinking your water? Did you lift your weights? Are all of your tools prepared? Did you remember to bring your wallet? Your handkerchief? What about any magic beads?

I’m asking these questions cause I wanna make sure you’re prepared. Consider me the performance coach. Are you ready for the performance? Are you gonna get on stage and run away OR are you show everybody that paid a ticket they’re gonna get their monies worth?

You ain’t gonna let them down. You have bought into the lightning and now you’re on fire!

But don’t burn too much, otherwise, you’re gonna suffocate everyone in the room! 😀

Fire burns quickly and smoke sends the signal to the alarm.

Your burning is largely due to nerves.

So you feel nervous?

Ever paid for something with the expectation that it was gonna show you out? When you couldn’t look forwards to eating it because you knew it was gonna rock your world!? Remember tasting it and getting disappointed? Being let down – disturbs the peace but everything is still in harmony when you believe in your work.

We all got faults we can work out on but to get bummed out is a part of the process.

HOWEVER // Make it plain. Expect the sudden interruptions of life and follow the signs. Get there. Polish your breaks. Even when you feel you are about to skew away from the path.

Are you afraid people might see you stumble? Maybe you gonna fall on your ass and embarrass yourself? Well, that’s awkward picking yourself back up right after you tripped on a non-existent banana.

You ain’t the only one tripping, tho.

The performance is the trip itself.

Characters In The Wind

Characters In The Wind

The Full Length Film ‘Characters In The Wind’. My Film Debut. Featuring Narration, Poetry, and Music! Shot in New Zealand. The Script? Improvisation.

Asking for donations of only 7.33 // or whatever your heart desires!

paypal.me/jessejenkins or for those who do not have PayPal Me // You can send donations through jesse7complete@gmail.com

This project was filmed while I was staying in New Zealand for 3 months. Its main focus is listening to all that is around – and recording what is happening.

I can speak on and on, but it’s best if you listen yourself! Thank you to everyone involved in this project! So many people were involved, and I want to say a BIG thank you from the bottom, top, side, and all around Heart!

 

A New Narrative of Consumption

A New Narrative of Consumption

I’ll have a plate of non-tradition, and a cup filled with refreshing delights sprinkled with passion!

The more the merrier!

May my bowl be FILLED with sweet truths.

Don’t spare the flavor lilies as I want plenty of positive vibes for refreshments.

This feast must have the finest of humorous wine.

The freshest greens of delight, where growth happens at a balanced pace.

Being filled with the food of tasty peace in my belly will energize a new narrative of consumption.

We can feed on the nourishment of graceful intentions, by simply requesting our desires.

Improvisation: Share The Light

This was a special moment in which Jeremy, His Mom, and I created something magical through the lens of improvisation. It worked on so many levels and our only script – was just following the flow. It’s random, and of course, it stopped at different sections, but hence the narration of jazz. A lot of enlightenment was discovered! This video is the building blocks and blueprint for Characters In The Wind!

 

Oxygen Away

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As I reflect within myself of the choices I’ve made and the paths I’ve chosen.

I’m finally breathing.

Breathing away from Within.

I can feel natures presence and Spirit enters within me like a dream.

I’m taken in such bliss because of the love that’s surrounded around me.

I’m in paradise when I hear the wind as it brushes against the trees.

The way its caress is a soft kiss – is such bliss.

The response of the leaves is a melodic hurricane.

I’m a reflection away from what I was currently.

I’ve only taken this time to acknowledge it – out of the business of the day.

I Realize.

I’m only an Oxygen away.

Oxygen away.

Birthing Cell

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Inside the birthing cell – a wave ancient connection, forms as a multitude of ancestral witnesses. 

I hear them and now my writing begins.

I’m told to write you down and here my voice is unto you.

As a witness, being there at the birth of your being.

Surrounding you are the voices of the oppressed, the selections of what is to be studied and swallowed.

A sweet taste of uniformity – neglecting not the WHOLE.

Begin to tap into your subconscious, unwind the forces of time.

An apprehension of what your belly will take your mere suggestive desire will make.

Food, and leaves that are given for peace.

Peace in which a river will follow!

Venom Sketch

It’s safe to say – I had one of the most amazing weekends of my life! Completely filled with sheer supernatural bliss! Very unprecedented and even as I type these words, I am possessed with such wonder!  “Did that really happen? / Did I really stand steps away from The greatest instrument in modern music? ” Dreams of “Paisley Park” became reality when I actually stepped into the doors! It was a very intimate, and sensual experience that gave my journey a blissful meaning! NOT TO mention, the BEST breakfast!

One of the most exciting elements of this journey this weekend; was meeting the muse, of a poem I wrote not long ago. I saw an image of a feminine figure and she spelled her ink and captured wise pieces! Moments that were sheer poisonous yet appealing. When I went to Minnesota to meet up with my friend Danny L’amour. Through our conversations, I developed such a conversation that realistically she enveloped the writing I wrote. In our depth of sentences, she revealed her essence. I realized while talking to her – she was the woman eye saw while writing this. That had never happened before to me on that level, I was actually meeting the unknown, and it was such a powerful piercing of wonder!

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The imagery of soft pastels you cast send a burning reaction down my veins.

Such excitement which is a foretaste of pleasurable manifestations of serene divinity.

With my eyes; I have begun to taste your insight into what dances before you.

In this particular frame, I marvel at the cognitive renaissance your composition lies.

My questions vanish as I allow your continual charm to answer my begging wonders.

Will you stroke me, as you, stroke the brush that highlights into your clouds?

The journey begins at where my thoughts pass before your sketch.

Have you made up the coloring of your distant abbreviations?

Nearly the shadow of your focus arises over your construction.

Blistering levels of venom intoxicate me by the embrace of your wise sketch.

Thank YOU, for being the muse and for being among the wisest sketches. Your artwork is still embedded within me. I am examining the silence you translated to me. I truly believe I have sat under your construction. You’re going to see me! You sold me a city, that I am only lengths away from experiencing! This is true, and the colors are within me!

Throne

Excuse my slander and pardon my speech. I’ve traveled to the streets of gloom and have become arrested by condemnation. Steadily, I walk to the throne, wherein I am given full access. I sob in the love that is poured onto and into me. Forgiveness is given again, in the journey of my growth. 

Mathematically, I am unable to reverse and calculate the measures I have written down. Miraculously – I am yet given the sleep my spirit anxiously longs.  The peace that passes all understanding comes from The One. This peace serenades –  in the midst of war and challenge of resolution.
I remember writing this down, during a period that really brought a stronger realization to the Throne. I felt like I slandered my own name, and my speech wasn’t according to the wisdom that was embedded within me. I traveled to the streets of gloom and was arrested by this condemnation. Knowing, that truly there is no more condemnation. The ‘SIN’ Problem is no longer in effect. Those things were taken care of years before. Even as my forgiveness was met unto me –  I am living in a miracle! Truly we are all given this miracle. The throne has truly enveloped me to the place I now stand.