Hate & Chance

Hate & Chance

What is Hate? Well, hate is given to someone who has shown themselves uninterested in changing. Hate is an itch that must be scratched. Hate is when irresponsible to the ethics of morality (or what is seen as good).

We feel ‘hatred’ often when we are slightly inconvenienced. (It ain’t about you all the time motherfucka) But – It’s a valid feeling when it comes around. It’s almost as sweet as revenge. The passion that comes with hatred can be delightful. It would be like sticking your hands in a pack of skittles and consistently getting red, green, and peach colors. That tropical blend is an exquisite taste and so is hate on occasion! 😀

Hate is a plague and we redeem our connection to it, by divorcing it from our consciousness. Love doesn’t work with someone who can’t understand the language of love. I suppose it can but then it’s transformed into something else. Speaking to someone in riddles only works if they have lunch with the Oracle. Otherwise, riddles and witticisms may come across as nonsensical to others. (Which by then Willy Wonka should have already reminded you – that everyone who buys a ticket, WINS: Although it may not be golden – the chocolate is still good to eat!)

Love makes rooms to sympathize that some are in error and others wish to recover that which has steered off its path. If by chance hate and love work together it is through the fashion like manner of love. Love can be worn on messy bodies – but if you musty, you shouldn’t try on clean clothes. It’s better to wash clean from dirt before wearing new fabrics.

If by chance hate and love can work together – it is through the awareness of harmonic convergence. When the lights gamble with darkness. Either one of them will win at different times.
The chances that hate is seen as love are few in which case, by then…

 

Written days ago but upon the motion of right now – a sadness breeds reflection and resolution.

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How To Unlock Caterpillar Logic

How To Unlock Caterpillar Logic

Growing up in New Orleans for me was a privilege, that I don’t take for granted in my childhood. It meant good food, lively music, snowballs, and a rich culture. It also meant around spring time caterpillars would hang from my grandparents oak trees!

 

I dreaded caterpillars because they were very thick and sticky. There was often a host of caterpillars all crammed together like a pack of sardines. April and May, in particular, meant caterpillars would be everywhere from the sidewalks, bushes, and my grandmother’s porch. This did not mean much to my grandfather when he’d want assistance in cleaning the sidewalk.

“Come on out here boy, this sidewalk won’t brush itself!!” He’d yell.

“But he’s hysterical of those caterpillars!” Gammie would plead!

I’m thankful my Gammie always had my back and considered how I felt! It is through her care and concern, I never had to help my pops clean around outside during the spring! Luckily, I had a brother who didn’t mind as much! 😀

I never shook my fear of them until I left New Orleans. I didn’t see them at all in Texas although I noticed on occasion, I’d catch small moths and butterflies. I’ve grown to appreciate the caterpillar because of its developmental changes. I reference their process often in my life. Looking back at how afraid I was, I now see a misguided fear. Was I afraid of growing? Could I soon break free from the cocoon? The more I learned about their process, the more I appreciated their relevance in all living existence.

I made a short video breaking down an allegorical connection between caterpillars and the flow of your ideas!

The Opening Quest

The Opening Quest

In preparation for further development of my book, I decided to answer several questions from one of my favorite authors Dushka Zapata.

These questions set the tone for 2018 while also inspiring me to invite you to send me questions that you have thought about existence. The goal isn’t to overthink but to answer with what you feel in the heart of the moment.

Here are my favorite 14 questions.

1. “If life had no meaning, what meaning would I create for mine?”

I’d create a meaning that would mean something to me tomorrow. A meaning that has enough nutrition to last for me and those who came after me. If no others came after me then the meaning would have to be enough to satisfy me even when I’m bored. Something to make me laugh and cry because it’s all so beautifully complex.

2. “If there was no purpose to our existence, what purpose would I give to mine to shield myself from existential despair?”

I would make it a mission to make someone think about their life and what they can do with it. I would want them to laugh at how ironic this whole game of life is. I would want to show myself and people around me how life is so short and how we should chase what gives us that rush.

3. “What matters to me? Why? And once I figure this out, can I determine an order of importance?”

Freedom matters most to me. To be at full liberty without the worry that I must stop at the disadvantage of someone’s inability to respect my equilibrium. If I could get out of someone’s way to their freedom. Establishing importance would mean to know it’s not just about me.

4. “Is there a healthy, logical correlation between my priorities and how I spend my time? If not, why?”

I give myself too much time for tasks I feel can wait. I must embed a pattern of usual, so I don’t buy into the distractions because god knows I have binged on many distractions. I think I have bought so much time because I see time as an illusion and I feel I always have time, but I’ve come to realize I don’t always have time. It’s always leaving me when I gain it.

5. “What am I afraid of? Can I learn to distinguish the fear that protects me from the fear that stops me?”

“They say everybody is afraid of something although I don’t know what actually makes me afraid now. I am drawn to the unknown and I believe fear makes us strong at times. I suppose my fear is to be consistent in the most western way of doing it. (I must always pay my bills and have enough left over) Constantly making enough that is sufficient and inspiring enough to last. The best way for me to distinguish it is to fail occasionally and not feel guilty about it.”

6.”What happens when I get what I want? Is it glorious, empty, triumphant, anticlimactic? Why?”

I usually feel content with it. Sometimes when I want something so very badly and get it – I don’t feel like it was worth the wanting. I would like to capture the gloriousness more because there’s substance in playing in that feeling. I think it becomes anticlimactic because I knew I could get it – I just didn’t think I would survive the trip to get there.

7. “What does happiness mean to me? What makes me happy and how can I capture that elusive sensation more often?”

Happiness means more laughter and learning found in simple and complex things. I think if I read more, the joy of happiness will show up more.

8. “What hurts me? How can I become stronger against what causes me to suffer? How and where can I learn to suffer less? How can I remind myself that the person who makes me suffer the most is me?”

I hurt myself when I don’t own up to my decisions and how they influence others. I should remember that I am in the driver’s seat and that my reactions can be calmer. To be mindful of silence and that words don’t always have to be spoken.

9. “What is left of me if I attempt to define myself without leaning on anything I do? I am a student, I am a writer, I am a mom, I am a manager, I am a Vice President – these are all things I do. Who am I? Where is she?”

This is a very complex one. I am here and while I am here, I want to make as much hell and fun on this trip. I observe, sleep, learn and then convert this knowledge into love for everyone around me.

10. “How can I avoid losing myself in my relationships? What are my boundaries and how do I enforce them?”

One way is to have a clear understanding that we do not belong to each other but that we are only appreciating and honoring each other’s company. That we live with the knowledge that we can together but sometimes we may steer to our own strengths by ourselves. I can enforce my boundaries by staying true to myself without shame or pressure.

11. “What do my feelings teach me about myself? If I feel anger or jealousy, can I learn not to react to these feelings but instead determine what they are trying to tell me?”

They are trying to tell me to maybe rearrange what I do not understand. To Ask more questions and to speak softly and to apologize when I’ve assumed too much. I can learn by simply remembering people are often in the same state as me. They just want clarity.

12. “What happens when I sit in silence?”

I find that the stillness in myself is still yearning to speak to myself in riddles of nothing but me, myself, and I.

13. “How can I better manage change? How can I get better at accepting how little control I have?”

Knowing that I did not choose to be born here at the time I was. Some parts are played long before I got here.

14. “How would I like to be remembered?”

“Remembered for good company with a fresh willingness to open a door that people didn’t really think about turning, making them laugh while thinking.”

If you got through all of my answers to these magnificent questions, I applaud your interest endearingly! I encourage you to answer some of these questions as well! I wanted to start 2018 with these questions because they would open up my understanding of myself and where I want to go.

I am making it a mission to write way more while reading, listening, and observing.

We can do this thing together – narrating and asking. This will help us climb the ladder for clarity among all living things!

((*Every 7th of the month from now until March – I’ll post 3 of my favorite questions (& 7 replies) that I find correlates with the book I’m working on! If you have any questions that you have asked at any time // feel free to email me at jesterj7@hotmail.com

Punitive Punch

Punitive Punch

They came with a punitive punch. A punch meant to sentence me to prison. They wanted me to pay for all my alleged crimes.

There I went – flying with punishment for crimes I did not commit. Something as small as an ant turned into a monster from The Transformers series.

What’s the point of making something so minuscule a major quandary? The implication of guilt then breeds a fierce judgment which disqualifies my actual existence to think freely.

Applauding progress nowadays is like sticking a gun up to someone after they sincerely apologize. I want to change that. Progress deserves a laudable response when met with demonstrative commitment.

Instead, I’m given a whip to my brain – fighting over the grains of sand while building skyscrapers with what remains.

This was a knockout to the mind and a strangle to my neck. I was sent without warning and while believing I was strong, I then came across a nail polish bottle.

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This was a test of my strength and I couldn’t pass it as well as I thought. The twists and turns only left my hands bruised – this was a punch meaning to wrongfully arrest me with brutal enforcement. 

This was meant to make a mockery of my weakness and while we all deal with it at some point. I’ve already been locked in a padded cell. I’m crying out for Justice and Mercy, but will I ever be heard? The guards laugh at me as they know this familiar story.

So, what’s left to say when you’ve been punched? You can hit back but a punch ain’t a pinch. This punch was a knockdown to my rebuttal. A rebuke to my progress – a punitive punch which knocked me to the ground.

As I lay down to lick my wounds, I’m reminded that a punch doesn’t mean it’s the end of me. A punch is much like a reminder that it was all a joke. *Like come on, don’t take it that seriously* I sure as hell ain’t Laughing but I’m not crying either. A striking blow yes, but it opened a window to my healing.

Now, I can contemplate my next move! I’ll offer a punch back this time – with a spike. Then we can get this party started for real! No more tears or fears – Justice has finally served us pardoned.

Gradual (Not Immediate) Approximately

Gradual (Not Immediate) Approximately

Are you aware of the ‘Trans-Theoretical Model’? (TTM)

It comes in 5 Stages:

(1) Pre-contemplation – When one is unaware that change is necessary.

(2) Contemplation – When one recognizes the problem but not fully committed to changing it.

(3) Preparation – When one decides a change is necessary – When one Makes an effort.

(4) Action – When one puts into motion the action to deal with the problem.

(5) Maintenance – Goes hand in hand with action – Also where urges arise to encourage a relapse into the same behaviors.

We don’t always take into account how long It takes to changing behavioral patterns. As most things in life teach us – it ain’t that simple and the complications should be honored. These steps provide a layout that reminds us of the pieces that form the full picture of recovery. Even when you’re on the last step – it’s important to keep track of progress.

It’s easy and expected to get lost on your road to recovery and it’s very plausible that you may relapse. We aren’t always understanding of this struggle but exercising empathy is one of the best traits we can use for one another. This doesn’t mean we excuse toxic behavior in favor or someone’s journey – but again to exercise empathy is a great reward.

At best we are only approximating solutions. We’re all looking through the glass dimly through scuffs and bruises. Which is close enough, TBh. We are gradually getting to where we need to be. If history serves us correctly, it takes time and failure.

Trial and error.

We can learn an awful lot if we use what’s around us to our advantage. There is a lot which is beyond our reach but so many things close to our distance. It’s better if we deal with what’s in front of us rather than overlook what’s just around the corner.

Which leads me to my next point.

When was the last time you thought about the importance of reading?

NEWS FLASH: Most folks – don’t read.

Headlines are not articles. Articles aren’t always volumes but if properly condensed you can pack a lot of information in a few paragraphs. You don’t have to travel to discover more about the people around you. Reading is fundamental and while this is clear – it’s often forgotten about. Books are becoming less and less interested in mass consumption.

The link between bad behaviors and reading inevitably cross in light of new information.

It suddenly dawned me on just how a vast many of us are indeed ‘programmed’. When I say suddenly – I don’t mean out of nowhere. It didn’t reveal itself from the blanket of nothingness. Rather – upon careful observation of our various climates and conditions. We (Humans) are a special breed of Living energies and the way we cope knowledge and information have never been easier at the dawn of this internet age.

^^ I saw this and laughed myself into a deeply thoughtful analysis which is the basis of this blog post.

How many of us are really informed because of the tools made available to us for FREE on the Internet? Water is life and So is The Internet and I’ve already talked about this before – so I won’t go too far on that.

When I think of being ‘programmed’ it’s not by some pseudo prophetic cyber chip implanted in our fingers and hands. It’s more indirect. We have far better access than we’ve ever had in history. Regardless of this, many of us are ignorant of those around us. We simply don’t know because we’re plugged into the system of paying bills and finding out what’s next to eat. This pattern of daily living can get ruthless and if you’re not stimulating your brain by renewing perspectives – like a languid body sitting constantly, you become stuck.

We may not be DEEP or Intellectual enough to break it down from the micro and macro but with the connection of knowledge, we can stay informed. Don’t know? Get up and exercise your right to ask.

This is just a friendly reminder that you don’t have to be all the way there. You can approximate your way to the answer.

Knot For, Width

Knot For, Width

As a unit, we can tie the knot. Things are expanding in width so harnessing the edges are crucial at this point. If we keep on walking the way we are – the more our shoes become untied.

This is why a perfect knot must be made. It’s not my ego talking when I say “I don’t work for you – I’m working with you.” If I was working for you, the knot would constantly come loose.

You can’t-do what I do and I can’t-do what you can do.Therefore, I am working with you. As a team, we are expanding width.

It can be hard to say something more when our silence speaks volumes. Silence is indeed a weapon, one that doesn’t wield predictable swaying. Somebody can talk until the roof is torn down while someone else decides they rather stay silent.

When the two of us are in the same room – tasting our own orbits – spiraling in our own lands: why is it one then stumbles on the realization that the other can’t swim? If one of us could teach, the other would then have to understand. The length of our distance is not too far but our width must be measured properly.

Don’t you hate it when your pants sag to the ground?! Constantly having to pull them up because they’re not quite fit. I suppose if you lost a little weight, it’s a pleasant surprise the first time. It would only be a matter of time until you’d need a belt, tho.

Pulling up the extra slack so that like your shoes – they’d be tied down to you.

I’m saying something clever – whimsical enough to paint what’s invisible in clear sight. I’m careful as to not paint with too wide of a brush. I don’t want to miss the edges and the fine details which make up the mosaic. It’s the details that make the difference – especially from afar.

Whenever I bring meaning – I must also accept losing what was aimed to tie me up. The purpose of a knot is to negate what is loose.

Picture it like this: Whenever you tie a knot – you want the strength of your pull to be strong enough to last. (At least to keep up from steady making a knot repeatedly) If your shoes come untied, chances are you didn’t do it tight enough. We do what we do for comfortable walking.

In summary:

Two become one. A hundred becomes one. A thousand becomes one. A million becomes one. All become one unit. It’s no longer just one but a complete team. KNOT FOR BUT WIDTH.

Concentrated Stare

Concentrated Stare

What are you staring at?

Could it be my dark skin paired with beige company beside me?

What about my countenance – is it that threatening to be remembered later?

What gives you the thrill to focus so long on what’s in front of you?

Pardon all of my questions – but you don’t seem to mind answering all of where your curiosity leads.

I don’t mind if you take a look but to follow with your wandering eyes seems a bit much.

You are concentrating so much with your stare – I can literally hear what you think!

All of the assumptions and judgments, they aren’t all pleasant.

I feel it and I can see where you’re going with this.

Therefore, I’m gonna give you something absurd.

A middle finger or a twisted face.

I’m not sure yet – but the more you look – you’ll notice.

Enough to get you talking to your family at the dinner table.

I can already hear you telling them about how you saw someone so peculiar.

It’s funny how in an instant someone can become the talk of the day.

I’ve become famous already through your concentrated stare.

How highly you must think of me. To offer me such consideration in your eyes.

So you like what you see?

Even if you don’t – subconsciously your curiosity is a bit deeper than you expect.

I feel the power of your eyes – it’s pulling me like the moon.

How full your eyes are – staring into all the deepest crevices of my movement.

Your eyes are doing all the talking and I’m convinced your mouth is too shy to speak.

Don’t be shy – there’s language that rhymes with staring.

It starts with a hello and ends at: What are you looking at?

HmmMorocco!

HmmMorocco!

The smells. The feels. The luring. The invitation. The persuasion. The price. The Africa! Morocco has been such a thrill since we landed on the soil. There’s a lot about Morocco that I haven’t fully grasped – (like the driving including donkeys, motorcycles, bicycles, and cars). However so much more about it has really inspired me.

Every day so far feels like a new adventure. There’s no real map of reason in terms of what to expect. The roads lead to narrow paths – narrated by a stray cat looking to past you into times past. It’s easy to get lost in the matrix of endless chances to buy and to experience. No amount of preparing can really put you in the place of being ready for what’s around the corner. It can literally be anything – I’ve not yet turned into an empty corner. Even the blankness of some alleys is filled with mystery and impending curiosity.

The best way I could describe it: You’d have to walk the streets to get the best experience of it. Granted, I’ve never been to the third world before this. I’m not even sure why we call it the third world. It’s the same world we live but the rules in how we live are way different. The people here seem so equipped in determining who is a tourist and who isn’t. My partner and I stick out like a sore thumb. She dresses with style and me myself – my hair turns a lot of faces! Some have called me Mr.Obama or even Rastafarian man. At any rate, some are curious in how they determine where someone is from. 😀

I’m living and that’s what it is all about. Life is meant to be shared and with good company, memories are even sweeter. Every color paired with a texture of experience is Kaleidoscopic. We have been on our toes with each moment. Prepared the best way we know how to – something you learn to expect. You can’t always negotiate the inevitable. Whether you are aiming high or low – you’ll land where satisfaction rises to the top.

Hand in hand – Experiences are treasures to the mind. You can never fail at the taste of the different spices. Learning to be educated while also growing to teach what one has gained. So much more to hand out – I’m just getting started. Ain’t it fun?

The Qualified Sum

The Qualified Sum

If you’re gonna play: Rock, Paper, Scissors with me – look directly into my eyes. Only look down when it’s time to decide who won. You’re cheating if you look at the hands the whole time, Don’t debate me – on this! 😀

Games like Rock, Paper, Scissors and Tic Tac Toe (X’s and O’s) are based on specific patterns. If you learn them, you’ll be able to win depending on if your opponent makes a mistake. Worst case scenario is that there would be a tie with no winners or losers. Yay!

I find games like this fun because with enough repetition – your subconscious catches on to how the player makes their move. We don’t always win at this but if you aren’t aware of the algorithm – you’ll find yourself losing more and more. This doesn’t always favor your ego, especially if you’re used to winning.

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Some of us are so bitter when it comes to failing we revise history to our advantage. *coughs – white people* It makes absolutely no sense to do this. It just makes you a sore loser. White Supremacists, Neo-Nazis, and Confederate loving Americans are PRIME at doing this. They don’t wanna look at history for what it is but rather what they want to make out of it.

Times like now are interesting because they force us to examine the ways we cheat at excusing our behavior. We’re afraid of owning up to some of our own biases if they mean proving us wrong.

Ever caught yourself in a: “NOT ALL OF US” KIND OF MOMENT?

It should be painfully obvious that ‘NOT ALL ‘ is dumped in when talking about a group of people. I’ve been seeing a lot of statements like #MenAreTrash – previously, I would get on the defense whenever I’d hear a generality like that because ‘HEY NOT ALL MEN ARE TRASH’.

Now, I knew I had trash ways as a man and I didn’t want to look at them because ‘We all fall short’ but this isn’t the way to go about it. If you don’t fit in the scenario than keep it moving.

Some are qualified in the variables made – if you don’t fit the shoe, don’t even try to wear it. Our egos can be big and to check ourselves is the easiest thing we can do if our feelings start running amuck.

In short: We qualify which moves we make on the board. The best we can aim for is to even out. We don’t gotta get mad if it ain’t about us. One of the best things I learned from my grandmother is “Everything ain’t about you and trust me – that’s a good thing!.”

Y.C.D.T.

Y.C.D.T.

(You.Can.Dislike.This.)

Cuz it’s too weird. Cuz it’s Too long. You don’t like me. Cuz it’s boring. Cuz you wanna troll. Cuz think it can be better. Whatever The reason, yes – You Can Dislike This. 🙂

This video is a part of The Living Things 7 video collection.