Opaque

Opaque

(If you rather listen instead of reading – CLICK HERE)

Opaque –  not transmitting radiation, sound, heat, etc.

This disturbance of my peace steady lingers in my opaque heart. I am wishing to find a balanced memory. One that isn’t tainted by the lullabies of betrayal or bad news.

If there’s one thing we have an abundance of, is plastic! Bad News is like plastic. I don’t think we’re even aware of how well versed we are with the bad news cycle.

It’s not particularly beneficial long or short term if not met with balanced stories that service positivity.

I feel this even more so as a person of color. People of color are so well versed in trauma, that we’ve internalized the mere occurrence by heavily sharing it out of outrage.

We even urge others to make videos VIRAL of police brutality or some form of prejudice. While this may certainly bring necessary attention – if we only do this without proper balanced good news, none of it has the potential to serve us any good.

We justify this as to bring awareness to brutality which in many ways are important.

The key to solving this conundrum is knowing that you don’t have to tolerate the constant bad news cycle.

There’s just as much good news as bad news, it just tends to be dressed and packaged in the commonly disposable (plastic) reaction…“ aww how sweet” whereas devastating news or sad news is packaged as “conscious or necessary to know”.

If our collective good and productive contributions are rarely acknowledged at the expense of plastic, easily produced bad news – this rubric can’t be to our advantage.

What we should know but often forget is those bad things has been happening since the dawn of humanity. This doesn’t mean we can’t sympathize with those affected by trauma but that we should correlate it with the bigger picture. *things are much better now than before!*

We should also remember those good things are in abundance as well.

Remember the good things and do good things unexpectedly. Share good things even the ones that seem important.

Even the small good things, like you, had your favorite meal today or that you got a smile from someone who doesn’t typically smile. Good things don’t have a rubric of interest.

If sharing those good things are received by a simple – “aww how cool” or even the unconventional thumbs up! We can learn to appreciate that. The alternative often involves a non-productive response which can end up making you feel worst than before.

In light of this awareness, I am developing a new rule: If you’re gonna share bad news, meet it with something cool or even weird. Weird is better than bad. Cool is more informative than bad.

The bad news cycle isn’t always unnecessary but not always useful either.

Hindsight tends to laugh at our previous business.

Indeed we are often shady businessman – making deals impulsively not properly planning quarterly.

My prudential interest serves me because I was taught to consider my own values. Self-care is not just about pampering but taking care of fundamental needs.

I have come to bite the fruit of despair.

If seeing you there meant believing in our dream, I would not hesitate to go asleep.

Now I can’t be seen as truly wanting absolution.

From the morning complaints to the afternoon joke that turned sour.

The evening sun casts a gloomy indifference.

Who’s to say what it could mean?

We are locked in the chain of belittling attacks.

To be understood is our misfire.

We’ve stepped in the sulking cold, right when springtime arrived.

Never late but hardly in time for our lifestyles.

Will they ever mesh? Or could we ever be more than our aging flesh?

I thought that together with our growth would make time for all the rest.

But sometimes, shortcomings are aging truths that remain on the viral dial.

In my halls of shallow emotions, still, I write.

To be known for who I am and whom I will become without a fight.

We are all but a forgotten flower.

Purchased for the dining set table.

But we simply seem unable and that is why my opaque heart longs…for good news packaged in a reusable material.

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THE TRIGGERED GENERATION

THE TRIGGERED GENERATION

Hell Yeah, we’re Triggered.

It’s 2017 and everybody I know gets Triggered. It’s on some ASMR type of flow. Are you seeing the same shit I’m seeing?

Maybe you haven’t been aware of the plethora of ways in which trauma can be unlocked – but let me tell you: The box and key are always engaged in some kind of slippery slope of twists and turns.

Have you been living underneath a rock or something?

Every and anything can be triggering!

What’s funny about it – is that it doesn’t take much really. We’re constantly forced to deal with things and a lot of those things have childhood triggers we don’t understand yet.

Upon sudden contact – Bing!

We’re then pushed in the wrestling ring by the beast we haven’t fully seen.

Anytime I smell its fragrance – It gets a little bit closer to defeating me. I’m PRESSED because I can’t predict when my next collapse will take place?

It’s on the television. It’s on my phone. In the classroom. At work. With my family. With friends that I hang out with. I have no idea what I’m gonna see or what I hear and how this may trigger me wherever I happen to be.

Triggers are invisible forces that I can’t seem to protect myself from.

No warning. No map for closure. My anxiety is constantly multiplying because of various triggers.

These are close to home reminders that are not so easy to run away from.

I heard somebody say “Our generation should just get a grip and not be so loose on our emotions when they run through us like a flame.” I’m just laughing at that cuz IF we could pick and choose what triggered us, we wouldn’t be so damn triggered.

While we can’t control how they come, I suppose we understand those triggers. We can begin to learn how to unpack some of those various traumas.

Identifying them can be hard work tho – but it’s our responsibility.

Are we the Triggered Generation? I’d say Hell Yeah! But people long before us have had these triggers.

We’re just a bit more aware of the impact they have and there’s comfort in knowing – we ain’t all alone in this.

This piece is for my friend Loxten, which will be used for his future project.

Don’t Blink

Don’t Blink

Don’t Blink – or else you’ll shatter everything around you.

The moment the eye realizes the disease of make-believe // imagination is haunted by the face of reality.

Don’t Blink – unless I’ll break the promise to stare into history past.

The present time is seen to grapple with a future that can’t be removed from my signing eyes.

Don’t Blink – unless the tears will roll from my eyes.

The longer I stare at the trauma that came before me – I begin to understand myself.

Don’t Blink – keep paying attention to the passing pages. I can’t miss out on what’s happening – I wanna be ready for it all.

If I miss what’s been said how can I follow you to comprehension’s end?

Don’t Blink – If you want to be conscious and aware of the real impact of growth.

If you wanna see it as it happens in real-time there ain’t no room for slack or missed information.

Don’t Blink by the frame of seconds to minutes and minutes to hours.

*When reality jumps against you too fast. You thought it was yesterday but it was actually two weeks ago.*

Don’t Blink or else you’ll miss the joke that just swiped past you.

Ever heard what they called TIME that has happened already?

“By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.”

Don’t Blink or else you’ll silence the words meant to speak to your soul.

Don’t Blink until you win out what was lost.

Don’t Blink – unless you are alive to what will perform in front of you.