The Opening Quest

The Opening Quest

In preparation for further development of my book, I decided to answer several questions from one of my favorite authors Dushka Zapata.

These questions set the tone for 2018 while also inspiring me to invite you to send me questions that you have thought about existence. The goal isn’t to overthink but to answer with what you feel in the heart of the moment.

Here are my favorite 14 questions.

1. “If life had no meaning, what meaning would I create for mine?”

I’d create a meaning that would mean something to me tomorrow. A meaning that has enough nutrition to last for me and those who came after me. If no others came after me then the meaning would have to be enough to satisfy me even when I’m bored. Something to make me laugh and cry because it’s all so beautifully complex.

2. “If there was no purpose to our existence, what purpose would I give to mine to shield myself from existential despair?”

I would make it a mission to make someone think about their life and what they can do with it. I would want them to laugh at how ironic this whole game of life is. I would want to show myself and people around me how life is so short and how we should chase what gives us that rush.

3. “What matters to me? Why? And once I figure this out, can I determine an order of importance?”

Freedom matters most to me. To be at full liberty without the worry that I must stop at the disadvantage of someone’s inability to respect my equilibrium. If I could get out of someone’s way to their freedom. Establishing importance would mean to know it’s not just about me.

4. “Is there a healthy, logical correlation between my priorities and how I spend my time? If not, why?”

I give myself too much time for tasks I feel can wait. I must embed a pattern of usual, so I don’t buy into the distractions because god knows I have binged on many distractions. I think I have bought so much time because I see time as an illusion and I feel I always have time, but I’ve come to realize I don’t always have time. It’s always leaving me when I gain it.

5. “What am I afraid of? Can I learn to distinguish the fear that protects me from the fear that stops me?”

“They say everybody is afraid of something although I don’t know what actually makes me afraid now. I am drawn to the unknown and I believe fear makes us strong at times. I suppose my fear is to be consistent in the most western way of doing it. (I must always pay my bills and have enough left over) Constantly making enough that is sufficient and inspiring enough to last. The best way for me to distinguish it is to fail occasionally and not feel guilty about it.”

6.”What happens when I get what I want? Is it glorious, empty, triumphant, anticlimactic? Why?”

I usually feel content with it. Sometimes when I want something so very badly and get it – I don’t feel like it was worth the wanting. I would like to capture the gloriousness more because there’s substance in playing in that feeling. I think it becomes anticlimactic because I knew I could get it – I just didn’t think I would survive the trip to get there.

7. “What does happiness mean to me? What makes me happy and how can I capture that elusive sensation more often?”

Happiness means more laughter and learning found in simple and complex things. I think if I read more, the joy of happiness will show up more.

8. “What hurts me? How can I become stronger against what causes me to suffer? How and where can I learn to suffer less? How can I remind myself that the person who makes me suffer the most is me?”

I hurt myself when I don’t own up to my decisions and how they influence others. I should remember that I am in the driver’s seat and that my reactions can be calmer. To be mindful of silence and that words don’t always have to be spoken.

9. “What is left of me if I attempt to define myself without leaning on anything I do? I am a student, I am a writer, I am a mom, I am a manager, I am a Vice President – these are all things I do. Who am I? Where is she?”

This is a very complex one. I am here and while I am here, I want to make as much hell and fun on this trip. I observe, sleep, learn and then convert this knowledge into love for everyone around me.

10. “How can I avoid losing myself in my relationships? What are my boundaries and how do I enforce them?”

One way is to have a clear understanding that we do not belong to each other but that we are only appreciating and honoring each other’s company. That we live with the knowledge that we can together but sometimes we may steer to our own strengths by ourselves. I can enforce my boundaries by staying true to myself without shame or pressure.

11. “What do my feelings teach me about myself? If I feel anger or jealousy, can I learn not to react to these feelings but instead determine what they are trying to tell me?”

They are trying to tell me to maybe rearrange what I do not understand. To Ask more questions and to speak softly and to apologize when I’ve assumed too much. I can learn by simply remembering people are often in the same state as me. They just want clarity.

12. “What happens when I sit in silence?”

I find that the stillness in myself is still yearning to speak to myself in riddles of nothing but me, myself, and I.

13. “How can I better manage change? How can I get better at accepting how little control I have?”

Knowing that I did not choose to be born here at the time I was. Some parts are played long before I got here.

14. “How would I like to be remembered?”

“Remembered for good company with a fresh willingness to open a door that people didn’t really think about turning, making them laugh while thinking.”

If you got through all of my answers to these magnificent questions, I applaud your interest endearingly! I encourage you to answer some of these questions as well! I wanted to start 2018 with these questions because they would open up my understanding of myself and where I want to go.

I am making it a mission to write way more while reading, listening, and observing.

We can do this thing together – narrating and asking. This will help us climb the ladder for clarity among all living things!

((*Every 7th of the month from now until March – I’ll post 3 of my favorite questions (& 7 replies) that I find correlates with the book I’m working on! If you have any questions that you have asked at any time // feel free to email me at jesterj7@hotmail.com

Advertisements

HmmMorocco!

HmmMorocco!

The smells. The feels. The luring. The invitation. The persuasion. The price. The Africa! Morocco has been such a thrill since we landed on the soil. There’s a lot about Morocco that I haven’t fully grasped – (like the driving including donkeys, motorcycles, bicycles, and cars). However so much more about it has really inspired me.

Every day so far feels like a new adventure. There’s no real map of reason in terms of what to expect. The roads lead to narrow paths – narrated by a stray cat looking to past you into times past. It’s easy to get lost in the matrix of endless chances to buy and to experience. No amount of preparing can really put you in the place of being ready for what’s around the corner. It can literally be anything – I’ve not yet turned into an empty corner. Even the blankness of some alleys is filled with mystery and impending curiosity.

The best way I could describe it: You’d have to walk the streets to get the best experience of it. Granted, I’ve never been to the third world before this. I’m not even sure why we call it the third world. It’s the same world we live but the rules in how we live are way different. The people here seem so equipped in determining who is a tourist and who isn’t. My partner and I stick out like a sore thumb. She dresses with style and me myself – my hair turns a lot of faces! Some have called me Mr.Obama or even Rastafarian man. At any rate, some are curious in how they determine where someone is from. 😀

I’m living and that’s what it is all about. Life is meant to be shared and with good company, memories are even sweeter. Every color paired with a texture of experience is Kaleidoscopic. We have been on our toes with each moment. Prepared the best way we know how to – something you learn to expect. You can’t always negotiate the inevitable. Whether you are aiming high or low – you’ll land where satisfaction rises to the top.

Hand in hand – Experiences are treasures to the mind. You can never fail at the taste of the different spices. Learning to be educated while also growing to teach what one has gained. So much more to hand out – I’m just getting started. Ain’t it fun?

SYZYGY 21.

SYZYGY 21.

A solar eclipse is a lineup of the Sun, the Moon, and Earth. (Also known as a syzygy.)

The Moon, directly between the Sun and Earth, casts a shadow on our planet.

It’s something that rarely happens, but every once a while we have the fortune of experiencing it.

The Moon has to be between the Sun and Earth for a solar eclipse to occur. The only lunar phase when that happens is the New Moon, which happens to be tonight!

Where I am (Örebro, Sweden) We are unable to see the Solar Eclipse.

However, in light of this phenomenon – I wrote a poem which is featured below.

Syzygy 21

Syzygy, oh Syzygy – what a name to pronounce.

This is perhaps the reason you visit at infrequent hours.

Like the rising sun which comes to return a promise of a new day.

These are the glories that awaken us to dream without borders.

There’s a story in the stars waiting to be heard by our steady focus.

Looking widely with enlarged renewal entrances – our perspective refreshes again.

A shower to experience – a sight to behold.

Can you taste the connections as they subtract and multiply?

The moon up above desires to know us through our changing phases.

Those patterns that we can’t predict – the moon shares the same fate.

It is now the time of the alarm again only this time, some may not hear it.

Their lunacy has become full of unforeseen reasons.

But they may take hope! For the eclipse shall come again – in the future years where they’ll be ready for it.

This time now – We’ll glance through the computer screen to awe at the impending joy of these fragile moments.

For with my senses I can feel the power and my eyes can taste the light.

The new moon is invisible from our eyes, yet this is a time where all is full and aligned.

The black moon now creates a pressing desire to be found in the key of turning graces.

Serene glistens are carried in those who can catch with their eyes – a sight to behold for a lifetime.

But if by chance you again, miss a site like this due to the arrangement of time and circumstance.

Staring at the blanket in the sky will remind you of a light that’s been here long before you got here.

The Syzygy 21 transforms passions of desire with elation into poetic song.

Battle of The Eye

Battle of The Eye

What I want is often at a crossroads with what my eyes see. I’ve been at a battle with the Eye. My eyes continually hold on to what can be and what is. In The Light – A thief can hide all; save his eyes. Melting away at what he wants // all he sees is desire. So his eyes are like ice. The situation of his desire begins to liquify.

In my mind, however, the parables don’t seem to really inspire a deeper truth. For every passing day, a story is told. Stories that are meant to be recorded and remembered for lessons in life.

Truth be told, I am stubborn. I’m pressed hard on being free and steadily gliding from a higher sense of myself. I’m incapable of being locked in because I am inclined to always find tunnels and loopholes.

If you give me a box, I’ll see a paradox. A rhyme that will guarantee a key. The question and demand are in my incentive. My eyes see with quest and affirmative navigation.

I find it easy to escape because I truly believe all of the answers are from within. Nothing hides or can disguise itself from me. From what’s clear to what’s not – I’d be a fool to not look again.

The amount of activity that’s happened in the last couple of months still astonishes me. I’m not always ready to face the reality of these transitions.

Dry spells engulf through the mirage. A desert filled with clowns and imaginary friends. The clouds above me are changing like the phases of the moon. The distant stare covers me into a deep oblivion. True to character // a trust is afforded to familiar betrayal. Constantly being neglected in the eyes of a spiteful gaze.

No true trophy is kept – the only award is unanswered questions. The war has been renewed by lack of compromise. Nothing exists besides me. Vessels are emptied and the fullness of meaning has been exchanged for promised attempts.

Sometimes life keeps us in a toss up of action. I don’t want to move at all. Then I want to run like fire and never turn back. The rain has compelled me to grow.

Whenever I look back, I’m not always sure if I was really listening or if I was just moving along with the beat? Whenever the heat turns up to high it paralyzes my thinking abilities.

When it’s hot – nothing matters but to replenish the waters lost by sweat.

The replenishment comes from understanding the exclamation and quest. My nose and mouth are formed by endless directions of inhalation and consumption. I’m steadily going because I’m constantly having to fight for my life. I’m having to really make decisions that affect what happens next.

Whatever happens is what I’ll have to go with. My heart is promising me – that if I stay faithful to it, I won’t be locked in or caged. Even if I’m placed in a box – I’ll have the key to which no way I’ll be locked in.

Quest & Demand to which I say // See Me again.

Redemption.

1414650389131

You excite me and make my thoughts – spend into suspension.

All of you.

I can’t deny what I wanna make you feel.

I wanna cause your actions to form into a battle.

Literally paralyzing you into a web of sticky cream.

Then I want to get rid of your syrup by sentencing your lips with the weapon of my passion.

Pouring into you sections – I haven’t shown to anyone.

But my youthful self when I first realized, how bad I wanted a girl like you.

Badly like the oceans – I seek to calm you in the midst of your trauma.

Again I wanna become a slave to your spell.

I want you to look at me so I can surrender my reservations to you.

Giving you my jokes and camaraderie so that your laughter is a temptation of undress.

Confess!

Confess so I can heal you by the meditative forgiveness I must pardon to you.

For the blasphemy of your presence writes onto the walls the need for redemption.

If my passions resurrect a savior to your transgressions – follow me into this bliss.

Heaven is our journey and we are saints as we relinquish into the fire of paradise.

Inspired BY The Muse Of Native Land.

Alchemy Sublime (SACRIFICE)

Image Willing to light up within the chamber of enlightenment

  The question of sacrifice has always been a challenge to those anxious to keep it all

Covetousness runs deep in their veins, as they are made alive by the desire for more and with excessive ambition 

Slowly an answer is made, laying down the promise to engage the fiery depth of expression

With a dim glow, the sacrifice is made known throughout the heartbeat of compromise

It’s important to determine if it’s chemical because THE ALCHEMY discovers value sublime

Get a taste of the elixir, bask within the power of your mind

For there are mysteries and divinity in the chambers of the sacred abyss.

Chemical Reactions

1398400802186

If you were like aluminum, you would be one of the most abundant substances in the earth crust.

However, the sacred 13 is not kept by your name.

You are more like Scandium, a rare but free agent, able to access your privileges of your atomic 21.

You eat up everything that was laid down to keep me at bay. 

Chlorine trifluoride as your appetite; one to swallow everything whole, everything else is a miserable opponent to your fight.

Fluoroantimonic acid, yes you can eat through my mirror and then explode when I offer you water!

You truly only appreciate the element of life as they react dangerously to your substance.

You inhale the fallacy of nicotine but you degrade the danger in the flame.

My reactions are elected by the intimating methods of your conjecture.

You don’t truly know the formulas of combustion.

I’ve studied the whims of properties and I am a risky combination of an answer.

Inspired by the responses of certain minerals. Not everyone reacts the same. Different properties and minerals cause combustion! Methods which formulate a sense of explosion. Some people don’t know when they’re handing out invitations! Clarifying Specifics are vital because baking powder and baking soda make a difference! If you want a concoction of extremity, you might as well add some flowers along with those thorns. Make the collapse worth the trip!

Pregnant Gestation

“When you know it’s right, sometimes you feel like something’s coming, a gestation, almost like a pregnancy or something. You get emotional and you start to feel something gestating and magic, there it is! It’s an explosion of something that’s so beautiful, you go WOW! There it is. That’s how it works through you, it’s a beautiful thing. It’s a universe of where you can go, with those 12 notes!”
– Michael Jackson

Rectified Cosmos

Sometimes, when you study something, you are brought to a halt, as what was already enormous grows into something bigger and more complex. It’s kind of what happens with certain music I listen to. Everyone wants you to hear this NEW artist or song, BUT I can’t swallow it all at one time. Some artists and subjects truly need eating utensils and a processing schedule. Anytime, I study the eyes of our universe I am brought with a sense of wonder. Not all the time am I taken back to write unless there is great mysticism involved, and in this case, this time, true sensation revealed itself. One of the reasons, I am drawn to the study of our galaxies could be because I truly don’t feel as If I belong here sometimes. I truly believe the cosmos of everything is resurrected when we truly observe everything around us. Just look above at the moon!
Image

The eyes of the universe are unending.

The cosmos entirely rectifies an audible sensation of discovery.

The oscillations of what we see only in one moment become swallowed up in thousands of prisms.

The acceleration into the engulfing complexity stirs a desire within me for abbreviations and digestion.

Time begins to find meaning in creation.

The beginning spells itself out to me.

A mystical wonder that weighs in on the physics of mystery. 

Information coming from intelligibility are embedded in the core of all that is.

A universal cosmos that is rectified becomes of the equations and questions out there.

Within the concept and continuous abbreviations of who we are, the transformation accelerates at such alarming rates!

Our eternity is embedded within us. We are born into the flawlessness of creation!

Venom Sketch

It’s safe to say – I had one of the most amazing weekends of my life! Completely filled with sheer supernatural bliss! Very unprecedented and even as I type these words, I am possessed with such wonder!  “Did that really happen? / Did I really stand steps away from The greatest instrument in modern music? ” Dreams of “Paisley Park” became reality when I actually stepped into the doors! It was a very intimate, and sensual experience that gave my journey a blissful meaning! NOT TO mention, the BEST breakfast!

One of the most exciting elements of this journey this weekend; was meeting the muse, of a poem I wrote not long ago. I saw an image of a feminine figure and she spelled her ink and captured wise pieces! Moments that were sheer poisonous yet appealing. When I went to Minnesota to meet up with my friend Danny L’amour. Through our conversations, I developed such a conversation that realistically she enveloped the writing I wrote. In our depth of sentences, she revealed her essence. I realized while talking to her – she was the woman eye saw while writing this. That had never happened before to me on that level, I was actually meeting the unknown, and it was such a powerful piercing of wonder!

Image

The imagery of soft pastels you cast send a burning reaction down my veins.

Such excitement which is a foretaste of pleasurable manifestations of serene divinity.

With my eyes; I have begun to taste your insight into what dances before you.

In this particular frame, I marvel at the cognitive renaissance your composition lies.

My questions vanish as I allow your continual charm to answer my begging wonders.

Will you stroke me, as you, stroke the brush that highlights into your clouds?

The journey begins at where my thoughts pass before your sketch.

Have you made up the coloring of your distant abbreviations?

Nearly the shadow of your focus arises over your construction.

Blistering levels of venom intoxicate me by the embrace of your wise sketch.

Thank YOU, for being the muse and for being among the wisest sketches. Your artwork is still embedded within me. I am examining the silence you translated to me. I truly believe I have sat under your construction. You’re going to see me! You sold me a city, that I am only lengths away from experiencing! This is true, and the colors are within me!